A whole new world!!

I'm not kidding... EVERYTHING has changed since my last post. And I mean EVERYTHING.

I had a birthday. I'm now in my last year of my 20s. It's sad,but it's also so exciting. I have big goals for the next 12 months, and damn it, I'm going to achieve them!!

I moved in with the bf. It's been a week, and I'm loving it. I've hardly been home, the house is a mess, the washing is piling up, nothing has a place... But I have a place. I'm home. I'm loved. Life is beautiful.

I got a new job, finally. Four months ago I proposed some changes to my role which meant leaving the managerial side of life and moving into more admin, process improvement, problem solving. Well, everything fell into place and the position was approved. I started on Monday, and so far haven't really done anything different in my day-to-day stuff, but clarification next week on the scary stuff will get me started on the finer details of getting things done. I'm really excited (and really scared) to be changing things slowly in our department to get things working smoothly.

And the weight loss stuff? That's not going so well right now. I AM proud, however, that during this last crazy week of moving I have managed to go to the gym twice, and have done some sort of core strength training each day. I'm making myself move more at work (thanks Fitbit!) by going to the toilets across the building and upstairs a couple of times a day. Because those toilets are rarely used, I use the opportunity to do some wall push-ups, squats or star jumps each time I go to the loo as well. Incidental exercise is WORTH IT.

I'm struggling with chocolate at the moment, but that will soon be over with the end of our Freddo fundraiser for calisthenics. I've had a giant box of Freddos staring at me all day from the spare desk next to me. Now that they're all gone, I think I'll be able to manage to eat much less chocolate. I don't eat it at home, and if there's none at work I won't be able to eat it there either.

In the last few weeks (since I've had my Fitbit) I'm still on a downward trend with my weight loss - although it seems that I lose a big chunk one week, then gain a bit back the next week, then lose a big chunk, then gain a little back. I think it's a delicate balancing act that I'll start to see a lot more now that I'm past halfway in my 'journey' to 90kg. Only 15kg to go until I hit 90kg, and then I think I'll continue to lose until I get to 80kg and see how I feel.

I'm putting it out there... I want to be 80kg for my 30th birthday. I plan on having a party, and I want to wear a smoking dress. I also want to be able to think about food as notmal people do, and use exercise as a normal part of my day, rather than just to work off the chocolate that I eat. One thing the 12WBT taught me is to set goals, work out how you will achieve them, and then Just Frigging Do It.

Here are my goals for the next 12 months:

Reach 80kg
Have a normal relationship with food
Exercise on a regular basis

How will I achieve these goals?

By going to the gym - making time for it every day, but not beating myself up if I need a rest day and take the day off. Tomorrow is a new day.
By including vegies in most meals, and eating to sustain life, rather than to indulge every night. 'Treats' are allowed, they just can't be every day. I will deny myself NOTHING, but I will be sensible in my splurging.
By buying new clothes regularly. When I wear my old clothes all the time, I don't FEEL amazing. I want to buy new stuff and feel amazing - even if it's a new top or a new pair of pants once a month.

What's going to get in my way?
Cravings, gluttony, a sense of 'missing out'. Indulging this behaviour is what got me to where I was - fat, and unhappy. Indulging is okay, but I don't need to eat until it's gone. I can have just a bit and be okay. I don't feel any different whether I've eaten a whole block of chocolate, or just a couple of rows. SO why do I eat the whole block? Because I always have, and that's not a very good reason!

Other things that are going to get in my way are generally things that are beyond my control - sickness, inury, other people cooking, LIFE. I need to do what I can, when I can, so that these unplanned events don't ruin my hard work.

2 years ago, I was fat and unhappy. Today, I'm smaller, and happier. I can't wait to see what my life will be like in 12 months time when I'm smaller again and have worked on my emotional and self-esteem issues! I can't wait to get my tattoo so that I can be reminded every single day that I'm worth it... only 15kg to go.

Last Weigh In of the 12WBT

This morning was the last weigh-in for the 12WBT. I must admit, I haven't done as well as I thought I would - but at least I know why.

I've lost 7.7kg, and 11.5cm off my measurements. The measurements aren't as good as they were 4 weeks ago (I've expanded again!!), but my weight has started going down again, which is what I'm more concerned about. I'm proud that I've come out of the 12 weeks with a good loss. About halfway through the program, I really lost focus, so I'm glad I was able to remotivate myself and get back on track.

It's a week until my 29th birthday.. so I have 372 days to get to where I want to be. It's going to be tough. I know I'm going to slip, but I also know I'm going to get back up EVERY time. Eventually. Haha.

I went to my doctor on the weekend, to get a refill prescription for my HBC pill. We don't want babies for at least 2 years... so we need to be prepared! Anyhoo, I was curious as to what I weighed when I first went on the pill 4 years ago. I remembered that he had weighed me , and was concerned about my weight. I asked what that weight was, and he made me get back on the scales before he'd let me know the old number. I was 108.2 on his scales (I like mine better... 105.3) fully clothed. I sat back down, and he informed me that the previous weight of 4 years ago was 114. He congratulated me on losing 6 kilos..... I actually cannot believe that in the course of 4 years I put on 20 kilos, and then lost 25 kilos. I have come so far, yet it seems that I haven't hardly moved. Only 6 kilos difference in 4 years? It doesn't seem fair.

I'm so proud of myself for the effort of the last two years. I've lost 29.4kg. The doc says I still have 29.3kg to go to reach the BMI recommended 76kg for my height. That means no matter how I spin it, I'm halfway. I never thought I'd get here, but I'm so happy to be here. I still think that the BMI calculation is much too small for me. Dave agrees - he likes meaty girls, and wants me to be healthy and happy, rather than starving and grumpy. I don't want to be stressing over the last 10 kilos... so I'm definitely aiming for between 85-90kgs and then see how my body adjusts. That's only another 20 kilos, and that seems manageable in the next 12 months.

I joined a challenge (and have ended up being one of the admins which is highly motivating) that has weekly targets to reach. The targets change each week, and consist of rep targets, calorie burned targets, and minutes exercising targets. There are also Extra Movement challenges which encourage extra movement in daily life. I'm trying to do this anyway with my new toy, my Fitbit, as I'm trying to meet my daily targets set by Fitbit for steps, flights of stairs, activity, cals burned, and distance travelled. I don't get there every day, but I have made changes to where I go to the toilet at work (instead of the closest toilets, I go to the ones on the other side of the building, upstairs), go the long way whenever I have to travel through the building, and try to park further away whenever I go anywhere. It's surprising how little I actually move in a day at work, unless I really make the effort to get away from my desk and go for walks. Five minutes isn't long to be away (no-one really notices!) but I can cover a fair distance in that time, and sometimes get a couple of flights of stairs in at the same time. It's these little things that I think will make the difference in me keeping the weight off, and letting it slowly creep back on. Just being aware is powerful...