Well I would walk 500 miles..

.. and I would walk 500 more
Just to be the girl who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door!

Well, I didn't walk 500 miles, or a thousand miles, but today I walked 16km. That's 10 miles, so I've only got 990 to go!

I met one of the Coastrekkers, Katie, at her Parkville house this morning at 7am. We walked to work which was roughly 7km. I thought that was a pretty good effort and luckily my workplace has showers so I showered and changed and got myself into my workday. I'd left clothes, toiletries and a towel there the day before - for once I planned and succeeded! Thanks Mish! No excuses!

At about 5pm, I got an instant chat message from Katie that she was ready to go, so we headed back to the lockers and got changed back into our workout clothes. They were lovely and sweaty, still damp from the morning's efforts. Yum. Turns out the ventilation slots in the lockers aren't that great and next time we'll pack a spare set of workout clothes to avoid the grossness that is 8hr old sweat.

We got back to walking home - and Katie drops a bombshell. We 'took the shortcut' this morning and we've gotta take the 'long way' home tonight. It was a lovely afternoon, a balmy 25 degrees. We wandered along the trail, past some of Melbourne's highlights. It was truly beautiful! 90 minutes later we trudged up the slight hill to my car and said goodbye.

I got home and checked my Fitbit to discover I'm now 400 steps short of my next badge - the 25,000 steps badge. So I'll just pop up off the couch and jog on the spot until it ticks over...

...Ok I'm done. Took a little longer than I thought because I could hardly move! But I did it. 25,000 steps in a day. My little toe is just one big blister, my calves and the front of my legs are aching. I probably won't be able to walk very well tomorrow. But right now, I don't care. I feel such a sense of accomplishment. I achieved something today. And I'll achieve something tomorrow. I don't know what that will be, but it'll be something.

Celebrate the milestones, no matter how small they are.

It's a long way to the top...

... if you want to lose your rolls!

Haha. It's true though.. So bloody hard.

This weekend has been a mix of ups and downs. Come to think of it, this month, this year, has been a heap of ups and downs. I started Michelle Bridges 12WBT 12 months ago - I did the first round half-heartedly and lost 7kg. I found those 7kg over the following 9 months and am now back to where I started, signed up for Round 1 2013, wanting to lose it again. Round 4 2012 was both a success and a failure.

I firmly believe I now have my exercise under control. I wear a Fitbit and most days have an exercise adjustment of 400-500 calories. Mostly, it's walking. Right now, training for the 50km walk, I'm walking A LOT. 1-2 hours, most days. I find walking calming, comfortable, stress-relief. Walking is my exercise of choice - unlike running, it doesn't feel like a chore. It doesn't hurt. My flab doesn't bounce around, people don't stare. In a gym, people expect to see others sweating, huffing, puffing, working hard. On the streets, at the beach, at the park.. people don't expect that. They're relaxing, driving to work, playing with their kids. It's that sense of ruining people's days that keeps me from running. Walking doesn't make me feel like that. I'm not ashamed to walk.

Food, on the other hand, is NOT under control. Binging is a big part of my life. 4-5 times a week, I'll find myself at the supermarket, buying a fair amount of food. I tell myself I'll ration it out over a few days. I don't. In 'bulimia' terms, it's not a huge binge, but calorie-wise, I'm doubling my 1200 on 4-5 days out of the week. Anyone can tell that's not a good thing. I've maintained my weight for the last 12 months, which means that I can eat like that IF I WISH, but that I won't actually GET ANYWHERE if I do. I'll get exactly where I got this year. Nowhere.

Doing the exercise I am doing, I should be losing 400-500 grams per week. The only way this will happen is with no supermarket visits. No binges. No mindless eating. I know that I can't say no, but I need to learn to say 'not now'. I need to get a handle on this. 'Normal' people don't do this. 'Normal' people treat occasionally. 'Normal' people eat a variety of fresh food, healthy food, wholesome food. 'Normal' people walk their dog, and don't think they deserve a family block of chocolate as a reward. I desperately want to be normal.

I know what it takes. I know that I need to do it. Now I need to work on the DOING part. Not talking about it. Actually doing it.

It's just one foot in front of the other!

I've been walking. A lot. Training for the 50km walk means I rack up the kms quite easily by just getting out there. This week I've gone a few times (twice in one day, even!) as I'm breaking in my new shoes and am getting used to the different pressure points of shoes that actually fit me, and are designed for trail walking. 19kms so far this week, and it's only Wednesday!! Tonight's shower was followed by a session with the needle, tea tree oil, and strapping tape. I'm covered for tomorrow!

I've also been choreographing a solo to the much-loved 'Footloose' for one of the girls I teach. She'll be competing in roughly 8 weeks, so we really need to get cracking - first class tomorrow night. Dave walked through the loungeroom tonight and mentioned that as much as he loves the song, he'll be glad when I'm finished chorey... Listening to the same 30 seconds over and over for hours really doesn't appeal to him. I wonder why?

Annual Leave time!

Well I haven't posted in a while... Sorry! I've been on annual leave and I've been a tad busy! I helped to run a summer school for calisthenics. It was totally fun, and I was exhausted for the 3 days. Food was easy (hardly had time to scratch myself, let alone eat!) during the day, but all three nights I went out for dinner with friends as I was staying with my parents. Bad choices were made there... but it's one week out of 52, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

Weight hasn't changed - up a tiny bit from last week, but given the sodium overload of the previous 3 days I'm not surprised. Back to work tomorrow, and back to routine. Calisthenics goes back in 2 weeks, so Monday nights will be taken up with teaching and doing, then all other nights are taken up with Coastrek training for the next 4 weeks.

I promise next week will be more fun - I'll update you a little bit more often!!

A little ray of sunshine..

My posts have been focusing on the negative recently, so today I'm going to post about some positives. Some 'little rays of sunshine' that I have noticed. This road isn't always about sunshine and lollipops, but sometimes we do need to stop and realise that we HAVE changed, and that our habits are getting better.

Here's some stuff I have done well this week:
-Walked in my 15 minute breaks (x2) each day. My co-worker who I hang out with on break has recently quit smoking. What does one do on a short break when you would usually hang out the back with the smokers? Why, I think we should walk up and down the street! So we do. We just stroll along for 15 minutes, up and down our street, enjoying the sunshine and having a chat. It's working wonders on my Fitbit step count and most days I'm getting to my target WITHOUT having to go for a 2 hour walk.

-Skipped dessert 3 nights. That's a big deal. I ALWAYS need something (not need... want) sweet after a meal, so I'm trying not to. My nightly icecream is worth about 300 calories - most of the time I don't have them to spare and have realised that dessert is an 'occasional' meal, not an every day thing.

-Walked purposefully most days. Either in the morning, or at night, I have walked a minimum of 4km every day this week. I am training for a 50km walk in 7 weeks, so really need to be doing this, but I am walking in addition to our group training plan (it's a group walk) and really enjoying it. I've discovered new areas, new estates, new houses to look at. I've done beach walks twice in the morning, and a few walks around the neighbourhood at night.

-Had something sweet and didn't devour the whole thing in one sitting. Yes, I ate more than I should have, but it's a pretty rare thing for me to open a packet of -whatever- and not eat the whole thing. I'm proud of myself for that.

A friend of mine posts in a Facebook group every week:
'What have you done this week that you are proud of, thankful for, and want to improve next week?'

This week I am proud of myself for getting back on the horse. I'm thankful to my support network (even though they may not be aware of it!) who constantly push me and believe in me. Next week, I'd love to improve on my food - which will either be a disaster, or bloody amazing because..

...I'M ON HOLIDAYS!!!!

Risky Business

It's on TV right now... and I'll admit I've never seen it. So I'm watching it. And thinking about what in my life recently could be considered 'risky business'. Probably the amount of chocolate I've been consuming. That's pretty risky. Skipping a workout here and there. That's pretty risky. Leaving work a little early so that I can stop by Coles and get something chippy or snacky to eat in the car while I wait for Dave to leave work.

I'm writing it here.

This has to stop.

I lost 20kg 2 years ago, by not eating chocolate, chips, etc. No snacks (except what fits in my 1200 calories). Walking every day. Lite N Easy provided my food, and I was on the 1200 calorie a day program and only eating roughly 900 of those calories. Looking back, it was so friggin easy. No shopping. No cooking. No thinking. Just paying and unpacking.

If I'm not at goal weight by the end of the year, this will probably be my only option. I really don't want to do it, but at the moment it seems like it's all I'll be able to do. I've got a year, and I want it.

Jekyll and Hyde

That's been me these past few days. I don't know what's wrong, but I'm not committed. At the same time, I am. One minute, I'm walking 14km. The next day I find myself on the couch having eaten a whole family block of chocolate. In one sitting!!

These next four weeks are going to be rough - 4 weeks to go on the 12WBT, and then the next round starts. 4 weeks to get my head right.

128 days until my birthday.

8 weeks until my MASSIVE 50km walk.

I really do think I need to take this one day at a time. Oh, and no going to the supermarket when I'm hungry. Just. No.