2012 - The year of ME!

I declared 2012 the year of ME.

So what did I do for me this year?

I spent time with me. I spent time working out what I want. I spent time exercising, eating, drinking, loving.

The other day, I looked at my byline  - the year of ME - and thought 'Well, that didn't work!'. I didn't lose weight, I didn't achieve my goal. But then I sat back and thought about what I HAVE achieved this year. What went right, rather than what went wrong. It's amazing what you see when you look for the positives!

I got myself a better job. I looked at what I loved about my job, and what I didn't love so much. I proposed a new position for myself, and it worked.

I moved in with Dave. We're in such an awesome place in our relationship, just coasting along with no worries in the world... except what to have for dinner and who's going to be the first one out of bed in the morning. Two very tough, daily decisions!!

I ran. I run. I'm a runner. I have never been a runner. I've run on more than one occasion in 2012, and I've run a few times for more than 20 minutes at a time. I think that makes me a runner. Doesn't it? Apart from the breathing thing, I really enjoy it. The treadmill is a lot easier, but outside is so much nicer!! I'm sure the more I do it, I'll sort out the breathing thing and then it'll all be sweet. Probably not until after the walk though - most of my training will be walking, not running (except the interval parts!) and I'll be clocking up the kms in preparation. After March 1st, though, watch out world!

I'm cooking healthier food for the both of us. Not 100% of the time, probably more like 80% of the time, but it's an improvement. 12WBT is giving me more recipes, more ideas, and most importantly, a love of fresh, healthy food.

So what is 2013 going to look like for me? 2013 is going to be the year of MY HEALTH. Looking forward, not looking back. Not depriving myself, but not giving in to the cravings, or the habits, EVERY time. Today, I ate some dark chocolate. It tasted like shit. Give me Cadbury Dairy Milk any day (not every day!). If I have it every so often, so be it. Reducing my carb intake (this includes the big one... sugar) is the key to successful weight loss, for me. I'm going to continue to log my food on MFP, and keep a close eye on the carb/sugar numbers.

So, the vague plan is this:
-Less carbs (not zero, but lower than usual!)
-More exercise
-Stick to 12WBT exercise program and include running.
-Stick to lower calorie eating
-Try not to splurge as much as 2012 - all of my hard work in the exercise department was completely negated by my contribution to keeping Cadbury in business.

Thanks for a great year!!

Shameless Plug

Here's the spiel:

On March 1, I'll be trekking 50km along Sydney's coastline to restore sight to people who are needlessly blind. 

I'll be walking 50km in the Wild Women on Top Sydney Coastrek, in support of the amazing work of The Fred Hollows Foundation. 

Did you know that 4 OUT OF 5 PEOPLE WHO ARE BLIND DON'T NEED TO BE?

PLEASE SPONSOR MY TREK to end avoidable blindness!

I want to raise $1000, and I'll need your help!

I'm pretty sure my feet will be covered in blisters. I'll be sunburned, sweaty, exhausted, and probably crying - and that's just at the start line! How much would you pay to see me like that? I promise I'll post photos....

http://www.coastrekfundraising.com.au/kellyrebbechi1

A little bit of positivity.

Today, I did some good things.

- I resisted a lot of chocolate stashed in my drawer at work. Not all of it, but most of it. I stopped at 2 squares of Black Forest chocolate and a few mint truffles. There is literally 4 blocks of various Cadbury flavours and now a box of Mars favourites. I find it easier to keep this sh*t at work, because I am very conscious of my workmates judging me for eating it. It's much easier to sneak it at home or in the car, so I don't have access to it there. I can always wait until I get to work to have chocolate if needed.

- I ran for about 20 minutes of a 40 minute stint on the treadmill tonight. 10 minutes at 7.5km/h, and then some stints at 8, 9, 10 and 12km/h. It felt good!! I also did a bit of elliptical and some stretching... and a headstand!!

- I actually went to the gym today. It's been a while (at least a week, possibly two) so it was good to get back in there. Planning on going back tomorrow, funnily enough.

- I cooked a fairly healthy dinner. Chicken stir fry with hokkien noodles. I really wanted to pick up Noodle Box on the way home from the gym - so I was glad I had all the ingredients waiting at home. Ten minutes later and I had a healthy stir-fry for a fraction of the calories (mainly because I would eat the whole box of Noodle Box and I preportioned the dinner into containers and our bowls). I've just finished, and it was delicious! A little more calories than Mish would prefer, but all in all a good choice. I'm still over in my calories today because of the chocolate, but I made good choices in the afternoon.

- I drank 2 litres of water today. I've really struggled with that the last two weeks, so it was good to get back on the water wagon.

I also received in the post my diary for 2013. It's made by a Melbourne company and is a mixture of a goals planner and a daily planner, with little bits of inspiration and a few little reminders to stay on track. I'm excited to start filling it in with all of my stuff, seeing as my google calendar hasn't really been working for me lately.

Anyhoo, that's my news... what's yours?

I'm so glad I didn't waste my Christmas night!

Yesterday was strange. Lunch with the bf's crazy family (where lunch was served at 3:30pm!!). I'm so glad I made us breakfast before we left, as I was starving even then....

Anyhoo, after all that, we got home and I tackled the mountain of meat in the fridge. I used to cook about a month's worth of meals in advance and found it not only cheaper, but much better for me as there is always something in the freezer to reheat. Since I've moved in with Dave, the freezer has been in the garage and therefore hardly used.

I got him to bring it inside the other night and set about cleaning it and prepping it for filling. It was ready on Sunday, but seeing as it was so hot I was NOT going to spend the day in the kitchen. I'd already done a huge shop on Saturday morning and needed to get everything cooked before it spoiled so when we got home last night, I set about making everything.

Two hours later, and I was so impressed with my efforts. For Dave, I made Chicken Cacciatore, Honey Mustard Chicken, Mongolian Beef, and Butter Chicken. For myself, I made girly portions (Mish approved!) of Satay Chicken, Beef Stroganoff, and Mongolian Chicken. I had made a Lasagne and Spaghetti on Saturday so all in all our freezer is packed with portion sized lunches for the both of us for about a month.

For roughly $150.

And four-ish hours of my time (two for the lasagne, two for all the rest!).

The organisation is coming back, and this is going to be the key to success in the future. No more going to the cafe 4 times a week for lunch. No more.

I also ordered a new diary for next year, which should hopefully come in the next few days (or early 2013).It's a goals planner and diary all in one, with little tidbits of inspiration dotted throughout. I'm really hoping that it helps me to keep on track. The google calendar just isn't cutting it right now - I can't see everything that I need to see in one go.

138 days to go!

So, I've just discovered it's 138 days until I turn 30. I downloaded an app (T-0) on my iPhone that is a countdown.

What should I do in these 138 days?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm not going to set any crazy goals. I'm not going to aim for a target I know I won't reach. I'm going to take each day in my stride and just BE.

I know I want to be thinner. I know I want to be fitter. I know I want to be healthier.

In just under 20 weeks, a lot is possible - both positively and negatively. I could lose 20kg. I could stay the same. I could be smaller, physically. I could stay the same. I could be stronger. I could stay the same.

My pledge to myself for the next 138 days is to be organised. To set aside the time each Sunday to work out food and exercise for the week. To set aside the time each night to reflect on the day. To set aside time each day (morning or night, or BOTH!) to exercise. Not to exercise like a maniac, but to go for a walk. Or to ride my bike. Or to run. Or to go to the gym.

I also pledge to myself to not get caught up and overwhelmed by the plan. To not overthink things. To not sabotage myself by thinking 'it's all too hard/too much/not worth it' and to just do it.

I know that I've made goals/statements in the past and I haven't stuck to them. It's my nature. I go gung-ho for a few weeks and then it all goes to shit. 2012 was meant to be MY year. I was going to be sitting here telling you all that I'm no longer obese, no longer overweight, even. I was going to be sitting here telling you all how much I love my new life, how it's so easy once you get there, that it is worth the pain and frustration and EFFORT to get to where you want to be.

Well, this is what I'm telling you today. I do love my life. I love everything about my life - how easy it is, how hard it is, how fun it is, and how utterly boring it is. Life is ups and downs. I'm never going to get to the place where I am perfectly happy with how I look and who I am and where my life is. I know this now.

And next year, let me tell you, I am going to make the effort to be in a better position than I am now. With my weight, with my finances and with my fitness.

Looking back at my chart for my weigh-ins, on January 1, 2012 I weighed 113.8kg. I don't know what I'll weigh on January 1, 2013, but it will be less than that! Not by much... but less. And on January 1, 2014, it will be even less. Well, maybe more, but that will be because of the person growing inside me (hopefully by then!). And as long as each year, on January 1, I do not weigh more than I did the year before, I will know I am heading in the right direction.

The last day of Week 4

Big Day today. It's been a big week - I've been on and off this program more times than I can count this week. One second I'm as determined as all hell to do it, the next second I'm thinking it's all too hard and I can't do it any more.

The truth is - this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's been the hardest two years of my life. I've started and stopped this thing so many times. If I'd just done it properly and whole-heartedly, given it my all, for a year, I would be done by now. I would be thinner, stronger, and healthier.

But I AM. I AM thinner. I AM stronger. I AM healthier.

I'm not the thinnest I can be. I'm not the strongest I can be. I'm not the healthiest I can be.

I am getting there. It's going to be a bloody long road.

Anyhoo... end of Week 4 is measurements/milestone time. Here are my stats:

Weight : -1.1kg (110.9)
1km run: 1:08 faster (7:44)
Pushups : 4 more on toes (10), same on knees (20)
Sit and Reach : 10cm further (+22cm) - this is proof that my hammies were soooo tight last time!
Abdominal: Levelled up! (Level 2 now)
Wall Sit: 0:46 longer (1:16)
Lost 12cm off my measurements (mainly off the chest which sucks but I'm hoping it's off the back boobs and not the front ones!! Legs had a good loss too so the running is doing SOMETHING)

So the long and short of it.... I've had a half-arsed attempt for the first four weeks and still managed to improve on EVERY single aspect of the challenge. Here's to putting in a bit more effort in the next four weeks to continue this and get a bit further along this road to greatness!!

Where I am going wrong.

So the last two weeks have been pretty shit. The first two weeks of 12WBT I was all over the plan. Working out meals, shopping for them, setting aside time for workouts and just getting it all done.

And now I'm not.

I barely planned this week's food, and have not stuck to the meagre plan that I had made up. I'm making excuses to not exercise. I'm letting myself eat crap all day.

It's not okay.

So tonight, I've sat down and planned next week's meals. I've got my exercise times locked in as reminders on my phone, and I WILL get out and at least walk for 10 minutes of each hour morning and night. Although I've set aside two hours each day for exercise, I know that I won't necessarily get two hours worth of stuff done. Two hours each day is too much. But two hours set aside each day is plenty of time to get the workout in.

Shopping time is set aside on Saturday for next week's meals. Sunday is a busy day and I know I won't get much done in the kitchen so Saturday it is. Meals that I can precook will be in the fridge and freezer on Saturday night.

I know that I probably will not lose weight this next weigh in. The week after is GOING TO BLOW EVERYTHING OUT OF THE WATER.

I have not met my 4 week goal of losing 5kg. I have, however, met my goal of running 500m without stopping. In fact, I've run 4.5km without stopping TWICE. I've now changed my running goals to run further and faster.

3 months - run 5km in under 45 minutes (Feb 4 2013)
6 months - run 7km in under 60 minutes (May 4 2013)
12 months - run 10km in under 60 minutes (Nov 4 2013)

What have I learned from my 2-week trip off the wagon?
Plan.
Focus on the positive in EVERY situation.
Plan.
Goals are made to be smashed.
Plan.
And plan.

What to do when you fall off the wagon?

Get back on...

That's all there is to it.

Tonight, I did just that. I came home, got some noodles, and sat down to watch the Live Feed. If you don't know what that is, occasionally Mish sits down and gets on a live stream - 12WBTers submit questions and she answers them. One person asked what to do for night-time snacking. Mish suggested a walk.

Now, today was 33 degrees. Too hot. (Excuse Number 1). I slept in. (Excuse Number 2).

Then I ate noodles for dinner. And Smarties for lunch.

At some point, you've just gotta get back on the wagon.

So I strolled around the neighbourhood for 1 hour and 23 minutes tonight. It was actually delightful! Looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

:)

It's Friday!!!

And usually that would mean pizza on the couch, possibly a Cruiser or two, some munchies, a movie.

Tonight, I got home from work, walked 10km, made a quick chicken pasta and am now sitting on the couch watching Black Swan. Sans munchies. I've even put the leftover pasta in the fridge already so I won't eat it. I might go for a bowl of icecream a bit later if I feel like something sweet but right now I'm feeling pretty satisfied.

I have a confession to make. I didn't go to the gym the other night like I said I would. I didn't go yesterday either. I did, however, do most of the 'at home' exercises yesterday so I feel better about not going to gym. And I'm doing them tonight too, because the Core/Flexibility part of the program is the same at home as it is at the gym. Last night I went for a walk as well - only 5km though, and more for my sanity than anything else. I didn't take my HRM, I just took my iPod and went.

I think too much. I analyse too much. Sometimes I get so caught up in the numbers, the reps, the program and I don't do things just for me. The last few days have been really tough mentally for me - I'm struggling with the pressure I put on myself to succeed and am therefore failing. So I took a little break. And I really feel so much better about the whole thing now! A bit more relaxed, more committed to putting in the hard yards and taking however long it takes to get this done, rather than going all gung-ho and burning out too quickly. I ALWAYS do this. Too much, too quickly and then give up. Well, this time it's taken me over 2 years already. It'll probably take another year or so, but I'll get there.

Just watch me.

Oops!

I didn't run the lake. I woke up feeling like absolute crap with my monthly friend. I put on my workout gear, got to the lake and started jogging. Everything hurt, so I slowed to a walk. Then it started raining so I turned around and went back to the car. I walked for just over 20 minutes, so made it past Mish's '10 minute rule', but am pretty disappointed in my efforts. I'll definitely be heading to the gym tonight and doing the prescribed cardio workout!

Weighed in - 700g heavier. There are a few reasons why this might be (monthly friend, salty food) but I'm pretty sure it's just because I've been a bit slack - alcohol, chocolate and skipped workouts this week = gain. This coming week will be better!

Hello, my friend.

My friend is visiting. She comes once a month, and makes me into a completely different person. I want to eat everything made of sugar. I want to sit on the couch with a blanket and a hot water bottle and not move for a week.

I'm trying really hard to not let this month's visit go like all the others. I'm trying to change my 'normal'. This morning I woke up and decided that I wasn't walking around the lake, like I usually do. I did it yesterday. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll go to the gym and do the toning workout tonight. I don't need to do it. I got dressed, prepared my breakfast and lunch, and packed my bag with my work clothes. Then I realised I'd gotten dressed in my workout gear without even realising. It was fate!

I dropped the boy at work, drove to the lake and had a lovely 45 minute walk around it. I enjoyed the time with the sunshine, watching the rowers on the lake learn the ropes. I smiled at all of the oldies and regulars on the way around. I didn't even wear my HRM - this walk wasn't a workout, it was some 'me' time. I still went to the gym tonight and did the prescribed workout - burned 300 calories (stayed an extra 10 minutes and did some intervals on the treadmill before my stretches), and came home and cooked a lovely dinner (12WBT recipe - Satay Chicken - was divine!).

Now I'm heading off to bed. At 9:30. Because I'm that cool.

PS - I'm running the lake tomorrow morning. I did it on Friday, and I did it on Monday (yesterday), so I'll do it tomorrow. Friday's time was 51 minutes, Monday 46 minutes. Averaged speed on Friday was 5.6km/h, Monday was 6.1km/h. I don't have a goal in mind for tomorrow's run, but I want to run the whole way (again) and I know I will do it!

Xmas Party Weekend... those dreaded 3 words..

This weekend is full of Xmas parties for me. Friday night I had my cali breakup for the year. Saturday night, work Xmas party. Sunday night, dinner at Mum's (not a Xmas theme, but a monthly things with my brothers, and their partners and kids).

How am I going to tackle this now that I'm 'on a diet'? One step at a time!!

Friday night, we were getting pizza and having a few drinks. I decided not to drink alcohol (I would be having enough at the work do the next night!), and had a scroll from Baker's Delight on the way over, so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat too much pizza. We had a great night just sitting and chatting, but only half the people turned up so the pre-ordered pizzas were sitting there at the end of the night. I took a whole one home...

I got home at 1:30am, and went straight to bed. I was exhausted after a long week of exercising hard, trying to eat well, and burning the candle at both ends a smidge. I woke up at 1:30pm on Saturday. Could not believe I'd slept for 12 hours!! Anyway, pizza for breakfast/lunch/brunch was not the best choice, but I ate it. And I enjoyed it.

Lee, my friend from work came over to get ready before the party. Last year we ate too early, got to the party and drank quite a bit very quickly so planned this year to eat just before we left. We got Maccas - and I was proud of myself. I was really not that hungry because of the pizza, so I only ate the burger and didn't force myself to eat the chips. Usually I would, so this is a big thing! I know Maccas is not a great choice either, but it's one of the times I knew I would be having it so had semi-planned for it.

We got to the party (at the aquarium, so beautiful!) and there was no bar. NO BAR. Just people walking around with food and drinks. The food people were definitely outnumbering the drink people so it was very hard to get a drink. I wasn't going to nibble, because I was drinking and had definitely had all my food calories for the day in that burger and pizza. I was practically following the drinks guy around all night just trying to get SOMETHING to drink (even the water/soft drink was scarce!)

I danced my little booty off. I never dance, but I got so caught up in everyone else's excitement that I just went off. I was wearing my fitbit, but forgot to check it before midnight when it ticked over, so have no idea if I made my 10,000 steps for the day by dancing. I'll find out on Monday when I get to work and sync it (the base station is at work) and see how I went.

I did skip my Super Saturday Session as I was sleeping and then needed to get ready. I feel bad about missing it, but not because I feel like I should feel guilty for missing a session. I actually feel like I let myself down because I'm really enjoying the exercise program and I need to do it. When I say 'enjoying', I mean 'hate while I'm doing it but feel amazing afterwards'. I am going to do it today, as soon as Lee gets here to pick up her stuff. She drove over, and was meant to be staying with us - but she picked up at the party and ended up staying somewhere else last night. As soon as she gets here, I'll be into the gym and then doing my shopping and cooking for next week. There are a few meals I'll be making ahead and I want to get this done before we leave to go to Mum's. I know we're having spaghetti with garlic bread for dinner, but I've asked Mum to have some green leaves there too so I can fill up on those. And I need to have a proper breakfast this morning as I'm feeling a bit seedy... Imagine what I would feel if I'd been able to get a drink more often!!