I've maintained my weight. I've kept up exercising regularly (at least 4x a week) and while I'm not burning mega calories or lifting a ton, I'm doing it, and I'm proud of where I am. I am nowhere near happy enough with this body of mine to stop, but I'm determined not to give up. I read once that you need to weigh up what you want more - the 'bad food', or the body. Right now, the bad food is winning more often than it should, but I'm not going to walk around starving and grumpy just so I can be thinner quicker. It's just not going to happen.
There's a song in Sweet Charity called "I'm a Brass Band" and it describes me perfectly right now. "All kinds of music is pouring out of me 'cause somebody loves me at last". And that's how I feel. So in love it's making me sick. I'm in the kind of relationship that I hated watching - kisses, cuddles, waking up wrapped in somebody, calling each other 'babe' and making plans for the future. Sometimes I have a memory of a conversation or a moment and think 'God, how lame!'. It's amazing. If this is what my parents have (and have had for 30 years), and my grandparents had for 50 years.... I want it forever too. It scares me sometimes, just how much he means to me.
Don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine and daisies - he gives me the shits sometimes, being a guy and all. Not worrying about cooking, or washing, or cleaning. Forgetting stuff I've told him. All the usual crap that comes with living together and being mundane and boring. But you know what? It's exactly what I want. I do things for him because he appreciates me (and bloody does it himself when I tell him to!).
Now the future. Marriage and babies. That kind of stuff cannot happen in this body. I've got a year to get it organised - if not weighing less, then the weight being made of muscle and strength, rather than flab and wobble. I can do it. I just need to say no to that craving in my head - the little voice that tells me the 'something sweet' would be nice after dinner. Say no more than I say yes.
And then I can say yes...
