Funk funk funkety funk

Yep. I'm in one!

I ran tonight for 9 minutes, and I felt good until I wanted to vomit. But that was probably due to the afternoon gorge on cheese and bread. After getting home and logging it on MFP, I discovered that I didn't do too badly after all, still up on the day, but negated a little by the running and walking at the gym. Also the walk I did on break earlier today.

Weigh in this week was up 1kg. Ew. Gross. I have consumed roughly two day's worth of calories in chocolate in the last few days though, so it is thoroughly deserved. I've decided to loosen the reins a little until June 30 - mainly because I am feeling deprived lately and when I think 'I can't have that' I want it more. So I'm having 'whatever' that is for a few days more, and then I'm back into it.

I've decided not to join the next round, and go it on my own again for a little while. I'm sorted with my running plan (shh... downloaded the 10k plan from this round to sneaky peak at!) for a while now, and I feel good at the gym with Dave's support. It's easier to push yourself when there's someone right there beside you. He is doing so so well with everything right now, and while it's a bit of a kick in the guts when he loses every week, I know it's because he's following the plan and doing all the right things, while I sit in the car waiting to pick him up from work munching on munchies....

I'm not completely giving in, I'm just having a rest.

In personal news, this wedding shite is stressful. Really stressful. Things are coming together now, but I'm also trying to sell my share of a family trust in property investment (only to my parents thank goodness, but still stressful) and work out some petty shite at work, so all combined it's just a little too much for me right now. I'm sure this time next week I'll be back on my happy wagon, so I'm letting the wallow happen.

Not to the point where I've got to break out my fat pants though. Definitely not that far!!

Just because you miss one session, doesn't mean...

... you have to quit!

Last night, Dave and I went to the gym. Date night! Haha - he joined on the weekend and we went together. I showed him how to use the treadmill, and we went for it.

Now last week, I did 0 gym sessions. No cardio, no weights, no stretching. I debated whether to go back and do Week 5 of the exercise program, or to continue on to Week 6. Week 5 running intervals were 2:30 running and 2:00 walking, Week 6 were 3:00 running, 2:00 walking. Fuck it. I'll just do Week 6.

And I did. 6 times through, 30 minutes. Dave even got on board on one interval and we ran together for 3 minutes. It felt good. I know I've always had his support, but it was nice to have him running and walking next to me. It was also nice that I burned 150 more calories than he did, and went 1km further just because I ran more often. I AM FIT. I am getting better at breathing. My legs are stronger.

When we were done I made him do stretches with me and we giggled together because he is NOT flexible at all, and kept falling over. He commented that now he knows why I come home all red and sweaty from the gym - I actually do what I say and work my butt off for the time that I'm there. A part of me thinks he thought I was pretending to go, or just strolling along on the treadmill for a few minutes. It's good to show him that I have been working hard.

Weights session tonight!

One week off doesn't have to spell the end. It's only the beginning.

It's been a roller coaster!

This week has been HECTIC, but I'll make this short.

Positives:
- Weigh in was good, down 800g. Still not back to where I should be, but down nonetheless.
- I've eaten well, not perfect, but we'll, given the circumstances.
- Work picked up, things are going well with the project I'm working on, and I'm enjoying my days a lot more now that things have calmed down.
- Dave joined the gym! I'll have a buddy!
- I caught up with friends I haven't seen in a few weeks, since my birthday. I've been neglecting some of my friends due to travel time now that I've moved away, and it felt good to catch up.
- We set a date for the wedding!  We've just got some forms to fill out to make sure we get the date we want for the ceremony, but I'm positive it will all work out.

Negatives:
- I've succumbed to temptation more than once this week.
- I haven't exercised once, because of all the traveling around.
- Despite all the positives, I don't feel positive at the moment. I don't know how to shift this mindset, but I do know that I need to take next week as a new starting point. Get back on board with the nutrition, get back on board with the exercise, get back on board with the mindset. Focus on the videos, the lessons. Revisit my goals, and set some new ones with wedding time lines.

I can do this. I'm worth it.

It's been a week?

It can't have been a week! Surely not!

It has. I've exercised well. I've eaten fairly decently. It's weigh in tomorrow morning, and while I'm not expecting a massive loss, I am expecting to be less than last week, and crossing my fingers for a number lower than the week before. I know that will be difficult, but I still dream!

I know I haven't done what it takes to lose sh*tloads this week, but I have done at least enough to lose SOMETHING. I guess we'll see in the morning!

Turnaround Thursday

Sneaky weigh in this morning had me down from yesterday, so there'll be no more weigh in until Wednesday. We ate fairly well today, but had Maccas for lunch because we were on the road. I didn't go to the gym, as I'm exhausted from all that driving (we were in the car for 5 hours today!). I know it's no excuse, and that I should, but I'll be in bed extremely early tonight, and will do what I can tomorrow.

I just thought I would update this blog with a bit of positivity.

Weighed Down Wednesday

This morning's weigh in was not good, but was a reflection of my mood and mindset over the last few days. If I'm going to be honest, I've let myself slip on too many occasions over the last few weeks and it's finally catching up with me on the scale, and in the way I feel about myself.

I know what I need to do to fix this, in theory. I just don't know that I am strong enough in my mindset to do it right now. In fact, I know I'm not. This too will pass, I'll be back on my game soon. But for now, I'm allowing myself the wallowing time to feel guilty for what I have done to myself. I'm trying not to slip further down the road, to hold on to the edge of the cliff with a strong grip.

The plan tonight is to do yesterday's and today's gym sessions. Tomorrow night will be the 4 week fitness test, and the session for Wednesday as I run a day behind. Food today is only LnE. Food tomorrow will be strange as we're going to Dave's grandmother's funeral and can't heat our LnE lunch. I'm not sure what we'll do then, but I'm thinking just make the best choice from what's available.

I will weigh again tomorrow morning, just to make sure that the gain is true - 1.4kg in a week is RIDICULOUS and while I haven't eaten that many excess calories, I haven't been doing myself any favours. I won't record the weight, but I will weigh, just for peace of mind.

Big Oops.

Massive mindset crash the last two days. Exercise is fine, but food is failing. Big time. As usual.

I don't know how to get out of this funk.

I've got a dream...

One of my favorite Disney movies is Tangled - Rapunzel is locked up in a tower (with her magic healing hair) until one day a crim on the run tries to hide in her tower and they run away together to find out who she really is.

They end up at a pub with all sorts of crazy people, and break out into song (as can only happen in the wonderful world of Disney). The song is called 'I've got a dream' and everyone sings a few lines of what they think is impossible,  yet they want to try anyway. One guy wants to be a concert pianist, yet he has no hands, only hooks. One guy is butt ugly and wants to find love. And Rapunzel wants to find out why there are lanterns in the sky on her birthday every year.

I always get the song stuck in my head, and this morning,  it got me thinking. Two years ago, I had a dream. My boyfriend (who was a loser, but I never saw it as I settled for whoever would have me) had just broken up with me. I was in a bit of money trouble (never had any, stretching myself to the limit with property investment and living well beyond my means), and I was unhappy. Food was comfort, binges were a nightly occurrence. I had a dream... to be happy, in a healthy relationship, have a healthy relationship with food, have a healthy relationship with my body.

I never thought it would actually happen, yet I sit here today, gloriously in love, a little lighter, a little sore (damn you DOMS), a little hungry. My money troubles are gone, with a lot of hard work and planning. I'm not planning my binge for the day, I'm planning my attack on the house work. I have a beautiful relationship, with a wonderful man who loves me that much he just asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I have improved my relationship with food, although we're still in counseling. Sometimes it escalates to mediation, and sometimes it ends in tears of frustration. I'm learning to accept my body, and marveling at the changes that are taking place. I love myself, for the first time in a long time.

I have to change my dream now, because it is no longer impossible to have what I want. I'm proof that small changes, repeated day after day, yield results.

Rapunzel found out the she is actually a princess, and her magic healing hair was just an extension of her beautiful soul. The guy with the hooks played piano at her wedding to the crim who really was a nice guy. The ugly guy found an ugly girl and they lived happily ever after.

And I'm happy.