Preseason Task #5 - Say It Out Loud

My latest Facebook status says it all:

OK everyone... I'm putting it out there... I'm doing the 12WBT with Michelle Bridges, and one of the tasks is to commit my goals out loud to family and friends. So, family and friends, I commit to lose 40kg this year. I am prepared to do all the hard work to get there - the sweat, the tears, the running, and the eating well. I don't want you to scold me when I eat 'bad' things - all I ask for is your support. My support base is amazing (it always has been!) so please continue to be there for me, and realise that when I'm a bitch it's because I'm sick of being who I was, and the real me is screaming to get out of this body that I have neglected. I'm strong. I'm capable. Get ready.

This is my commitment. I am more determined than I have ever been, and I know that I can do it this time.

I think it's making sense....

Well, work drinks happened last night. So did the KFC meal beforehand to 'line the stomach'. I ended the day 1100 calories over my limit for the day, with no exercise. The Malibu and Coke was very nice, although looking back I should've asked for Diet Coke and would have saved a lot of calories. We live and learn.

Boy, did I learn tonight.... 2 hours on the treadmill was all it took to undo last nights' 5 hours of eating, drinking, and being merry. I had a really great night, but looking back over it there are things I won't do next time - such as getting regular Coke in my drink, and eating KFC. Originally we were going to have Nando's for dinner which would have worked out better - they have a 'kids' burger for just on 300 calories which I would have eaten, but instead one of the girls got a craving for Wicked Wings so we went to KFC instead. Then I couldn't decide what to have so I got the 'Allstars Box', which basically has one of everything. Strips, wings, popcorn chicken, a piece of chicken, a roll, and potato and gravy. I didn't eat the potato and gravy (haha my mum spoiled me with the best potato and gravy growing up and the KFC one tastes like vomit to me) or many of the chips, so that was an upside I suppose.  Then when we got to the pub, drinks were on a tab (awesome bosses...seriously) and platters of chips, nachos, wedges etc were strewn everywhere. I resisted the temptation to nibble as I knew once I started I wouldn't stop. Another tick on the angel side.

My work-mates decided at about 9 that they were going to head out to a club, so I called the BF and asked him to pick me up - if past work 'functions' are anything to go by, I would have ended up in Crown's food court going nuts over curries and icecream at 4 in the morning. I went home like a good girl, and went to bed. This morning we woke up, and the BF had to be at work at 7 so he dropped me at my car and headed off. Id left my car at work the night before, and there was heaps of work to be done, so I hung around until about 1230 doing some stuff. It's amazing how much I get done when there's no distractions - just chucked my iPod headphones in and flew through the work. I also had an epiphany...

I've been unhappy in my job for quite some time... probably two years if I'm being honest. I'm a team leader, and management isn't really my thing. I got the position 3 years ago when our team was expanding and getting out of hand (the team doubled in a year as business in the Optical Industry is booming) and went from a Data Entry person to a team leader. At the time, I questioned my ability to performance manage people - I hate confrontation, and therefore avoid it, which makes performance management quite difficult. Over the last 3 years, my managers tell me that I have been getting better, and that I am quite fair with my team, but I just don't feel it. I struggle with managing people, and have decided it's time to move on. I told my line manager before Xmas that I was planning on leaving, that it would be a case of applying for other things and as soon as something comes up, I'll be giving my four weeks notice. He's not happy about it (he is new to the industry so leans on me for a lot of product knowledge, but we are also quite close and are 'venting' buddies), but he understands my reasons and has agreed to give me a reference.

The thing is... no-one is giving me a chance! I have literally applied for hundreds of jobs, and the only two that I have been interviewed for have seriously questioned my reasons for leaving management, and ultimately decided that I was overqualified for the positions that I am applying for. I'm getting so disheartened, it's quite demoralising. Anyhoo, last night, one of the guys and I were having a chat about it. He's from another department and I jokingly asked if he needed an assistant as I hate my job and want to leave. We got into a serious chat about what I want to do (I actually don't know, which makes everything so much harder) and he said something that hit me smack in the face. 'Kells, all you have to do is write down the things you love about your job, and the things you hate about your job. Once you've done that, look for something that matches the love column.' So friggin simple.

Today, while I was sitting there processing orders, I was going over the events of last night in my head, and this conversation came back to me. I got out my notepad, separated it into two columns, and started listing stuff. Here is my epiphany. I hate managing people. I love doing all the shitty stuff that no-one else wants to do because it's boring and repetitive. Admin stuff. Tying up loose ends. Reports for other departments/managers/directors. So why can't I continue to do all that stuff and just give up the management side of things? O.M.G I am a genius. We currently have two temps, and one of them is going back home to India in April. My thoughts - create a new role for me, replace me with someone from my team, and voila, life's good. I don't have to resign. My manager doesn't have to find a new buddy. Someone gets promoted from within. And we also save cash because we won't be paying a temp casual wages. Now I just have to gather up some stuff and try to work out a way to propose it to my manager.

If that works out, I'll be a very happy girl. I'm in love, I'm getting my health back, I'm enjoying food, I'm enjoying exercise.... the job thing is the last thing left on the list. Once I get that sorted, I'll be content. And no more bloody work drinks. Or go, and stick to the Diet Coke (no Malibu...sad face..) and skip the KFC beforehand. I DO NOT want to be slogging it out for two hours on a friggin treadmill to get rid of those calories. If I'm doing two hour workouts, I want them to be getting rid of stored fat, not whimsical nights of KFC and alcohol. Whimsy is fun once in a while though...

OK wow. That was longer than anticipated... I was only meant to write about the cancelling out of the KFC/Malibu fest. Thanks for reading if you got to the end.

Oops.

Last night I caught up on Biggest Loser Australia - I'd watched the first episode, but missed the next three. I was all inspired, listening to the trainers talk about commitment. I even set my alarm for 5am this morning as I knew I am going out for drinks tonight with the work crew and will miss my normal evening training session, and didn't train last night - I don't have a valid excuse for that, I literally couldn't be bothered. The disapppointment on the trainer's faces when their teams told them they didn't get up and train in the morning was enough to motivate me to squeeze in that session.

Well, I guess it didn't work. My alarm went off at 5am, and I hit snooze. Now it's 6:45am and I'm about to leave for work. I missed my session.

I'm disappointed in myself.

I know I'll make up for it tomorrow (Saturday) and Sunday, by doing two 1000 calorie burns (at least!) but it's not right. My boyfriend is picking me up from work drinks tonight and I'm staying at his place. When I get back to my car at 7am, I'm driving straight to Officeworks to buy a diary. I need to schedule time for workouts, and stick to it like it's an appointment. I'm going to sit down once a week and work out what's on the menu, and when I'm exercising. I think I'll also break it down into what exactly I'll be doing at the gym.

I need a plan.... this isn't just going to 'happen'.

Tuesday Weigh In

Wednesday is meant to be weigh-in day, but seeing as I'm staying at the BF's tonight and won't be waking up near my scales, I decided to weigh this morning. I was scared to do it - looking back over my food diary this week has shown some slip-ups (Mars introduced a Vanilla Mars Bar, and Coconut flavoured M&Ms so I tried both, and the M&Ms only came in a 200gm bag... of course I ate them all!) with food, but also some good exercise numbers.

Anyway, I got up, peed, wandered back into my room and tentatively stepped on the scale. 110.1kg. Last week was 111.3, so a loss of 1.2kg!! Good Job Kelly!!! If only I hadn't eaten those sugar-laden chockies, I might have come in under 110 - a number I've been trying to crack for the last 6 months. Next week 110.... next week I'll defeat you!!!

Preseason Task #3 - Take control - Set your goals!

Preseason task 3 was unlocked this morning. It calls for us to work out what we want to achieve in the next month, 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months. We also have to work out HOW we'll get there.

So... here are my goals!

12 months: Lose 40kg, run 10km without stopping.
6 months: Lose 20kg, run 5km comfortably without stopping.
3 months: Lose 10kg, finish the Couch to 5k program on iPhone.
1 month: Lose 4kg, run 1km without stopping.

How will I get there, you ask? Well, seeing as my goals are a progression from the first to the last, I'll be doing the same thing for the entire year, which is focussing on food and exercise.

Food: eat 1200 calories per day - record all food on MyFitnessPal
Exercise: follow Couch to 5k program, then move on to Bridge to 10k program. Exercise 6 times per week, including 2 strength sessions per week, and at least 30 minutes of cardio per day. Runs are 3 times per week, so the other days will consist of hill walking on the treadmill, going to the 1000 stairs, other cardio equipment at the gym, or walking/riding outside - record all exercise on MyFitnessPal

I know that there are going to be days when I go over on my calories. I've already done it a few times in the last few weeks. But the more conscious of it I am, the better I will be without going completely out of control. I'm committed to recording everything - good and not so good - in the MyFitnessPal food and exercise diaries. I need to see what I'm doing - and be able to look back and know exactly why I'm getting the results that I'm getting.

Is it bad that I just want this year to be over already? I want my new healthy body - complete with healthy outlook and the ability to maintain all the hard work I will have put in....

Conference Time!

This weekend, I'm at a conference for Calisthenic Coaches. Today and tomorrow, 9-5, all food provided. Scary thought. What will they feed me? Can I fit it into my calories for the day? Am I going to be too tired afterwards to go to the gym?

Thinking about the preseason task I just completed, about finding excuses but then finding reasons why they're bullsh*t, I sat down on Friday (yesterday) at work and wondered how to tackle this. The itinerary for the event stated that we would be getting two half hour tea breaks and an hour lunch break. I figured there would be some sort of biscuit/cake option for the tea breaks and probably sandwiches or similar for lunch. I am a biscuit and cake FIEND. If presented with a plate of 4 or 5 different bikkies, I'll want to try them all. I decided not to risk it and packed a muesli bar for morning tea and some rice cakes for arvo tea. Sorted. Lunch was a different story, so I decided to wait and see what was on offer and make a decision about Sunday if the option wasn't suitable.

I was so glad I bought the snacks, because there certainly was biscuits and cake for both morning and afternoon tea. Every biscuit imaginable - about 8 different varieties.... and then cake for afternoon tea - 4 different varieties. I ate my muesli bar and rice cakes and actually didn't feel like I'd missed out AT ALL. I was eating with everyone else, and best of all, no-one commented on the fact that I was eating my own food. I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I'd prepared my own snacks, but I knew that not eating would draw more attention, so I did it.

Lunch was a range of sandwiches (I had chicken/lettuce/mayo) and some fruit (which I don't eat.... but that's a story for another blog). The other girls that I was with decided that tomorrow we'll go to Nando's for lunch instead because the food was quite tasteless and made with not-so-good choices (white bread, lots of mayo, light on the salad). I know that I can get a wholegrain wrap from Nando's, so I'll go with them rather than sit on my own - but I'll make sure I take my snacks so that my tea break choices are already made for me.

And the exercise thing? Well... tonight I'm buggered and frankly can't be bothered going to the gym. Luckily, last night (Friday night) I had anticipated this very scenario and slogged it out for 2 hours, burning 1000 calories, so that I didn't HAVE to go today. I will have to go tomorrow, but we got the heads up that things may finish earlier tomorrow and we'll be out of there by 3 pm so I'll put in another big session when I get home and all will be right with the world.

See.... life fits....Now I just have to remind myself that while every day won't be a textbook day, with a little forward planning, I can make the best choices I can for my health, and for my life.

Nighty Night!! Gotta get some sleep now...

Preseason Task #2 - No Excuses!

Preseason Task #2 was just released - I haven't watched the video yet, as it's 20 minutes long and I don't think I can get away with watching it without my boss seeing me!

I did, however, start the written part of the task - writing down all my excuses and then giving reasons why they aren't good excuses. Here's my list!

Internal Excuses:
I'm unfit
I'm fat
I really love *insert sugary, fatty food here*
I've worked hard, I can eat *insert sugary, fatty food here*
I'm tired
Solutions:
I am more fit than I was a year ago. I'm thinner than I was a year ago. Things are getting easier to do, so being fat or unfit will not stop me.
Yes, I've worked hard and I can have sugary, fatty food. But then all the hard work will be wasted.... I don't want to have to do it all AGAIN!! Also, I need to remember how I feel after eating out - full, tired, nauseous. And how I feel after eating something I used to eat all the time, but now eat much less of - jittery, unsatisfied, sick, regretful. Don't waste that hard work.
I am tired because I stay up late. It's my decision when I switch off the light.
External Excuses:
It's hot/cold/raining
I'm staying at boyfriend's house
Solutions:
The gym is a temperature controlled environment. It's open 24/7. There are no excuses.
The gym has locations near his house. I can use any Anytime IN THE WORLD. His area is also flat - I can walk. He likes to play WoW, and I just sit on the couch watching TV or reading - I'm not trapped there, I can do whatever I like while he's playing.

Michelle believes that there are three types of excuses - internal excuses, external excuses where you have control, and external excuses where you have no control. I haven't listed any external excuses where I have no control because my life isn't that complicated at the moment. Examples she gave of these were sick kids, work crisis, family crisis. I'll cross these bridges if I come to them, but the solutions for these may be to let the exercise/great food slide for a little bit until it's all sorted. I'd like to think I will make good food and exercise choices in these situations, but I know that sometimes it's simply impossible.

Looking at what I've written, I know that my internal excuses are much more of a roadblock for me. It's more about what my mind tells me I cannot do, versus what my body will actually do. There are always those little thoughts of self doubt, that fear of actually succeeding and then falling back into everything. Right now, I'm determined for that not to happen - I don't want to slip back into bad habits. I don't want to worry about what I'm eating for the rest of my life, but I also know that I'll not be able to eat whatever I want without consequences. This is going to be a lifelong battle, but I'm thinking of the first stage as a full-on assault, and then 'maintenance' like being in the Army Reserve. I'll still have to keep my body conditioned so that if it's called upon, it can fight. It won't be 24/7 every day in the forefront of my mind, like it is now, but it will always be in the back of my mind.

I want to enjoy my life, I don't want to be Debbie Downer and be afraid to go out in case the evil carb monster catches me. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it.

3 minutes seems an eternity...

... when you're attempting to run for the whole time!

The 'Get Running' app is what I am using for my C25K training. Essentially, it's an audio track where this lovely lady tells you when to walk and when to run, depending on where you're up to in the program. God, I hate that lady!! Her voice is so sweet, almost sickly sometimes. At the same time though, I cannot wait to hear her voice. When my music fades down and I hear her, I listen closely. Am I halfway yet? Are there still 30 long seconds to go? Please tell me I'm almost there!

And then she does, and I love her. Until she tells me that I have '30 seconds until your next run'. Then I hate her again.

Today's run took us into Day 1 of Week 3. Up until now, 90 seconds is the longest I've run. Today, Sickly Sweet English Lady tells me my 'short runs' will be a minute and a half and my 'longer runs' will be 3 minutes. 3 minutes is a really long time!!! I do like that she's quite encouraging though - at the end of the second (and last, thank God) 3 minute run she reminded me that I just ran three times what I had run just two short weeks ago. Kinda puts it into perspective. I'm dreading next week already as it bumps up to 3 minutes for a short run and 5 minutes for the long runs. Sickly Sweet English Lady assures me that it will get easier each run. I certainly hope so!

It Works!!!

Wednesday Weigh In Update:

111.3 - that's a loss of 1.7kg!!! Only weighing in on Wednesdays now for the entire program.

Twas the night before weigh-in and all through the house...

.. This girl was sh*tting herself, wanting the number to be grouse!

This is the first time since I got my scales almost a year ago that I haven't weighed myself every day. In fact, the last time I weighed was on Wednesday last week. I normally weigh every morning, just after my morning wee. Lately, I've been getting frustrated as the weight goes up and down so much, and I just can't handle it. If the number is good, I feel like I can do anything, and that a little *insert indulgence food, usually chocolate* won't hurt. If the number is bad, I feel defeated. I need to stop letting the number determine my mood, and start listening to my body.

I was reading 'Crunch Time' last night. It's a Michelle Bridges book, and in it she mentioned something about recognising your body's signals of hunger. Often, we think we're hungry when we're actually thirsty, or when we're bored, or in situations where we usually eat. I need to listen to my body more, and have a glass of water when I think I'm hungry and then wait a bit to see if the feeling passes. Today I bought carrot sticks, celery sticks and a tiny tub of hommus to work. I have NEVER considered this to be a 'snack', but rather a form of punishment.

At about 1030, I felt a bit peckish (I had my breaky at around 8am when I got to work) so I went and got my stuff from the fridge. I tentatively picked up a carrot stick, dipped it in the hommus, and crunched on it. I was surprised!! It wasn't bad... it was kind of sweet, very crunchy, and the dip was slightly nutty and a bit grainy. I don't know how to describe it really, but I finished off the stick and grabbed some celery. Once again, I dipped it in the hommus, and took a bite. My first thought was 'wow, this tastes like celery', and then I realised what an idiot I am. Of course it tastes like celery, you doofus, it IS celery.

As I was marvelling at the taste of these foods, Little Miss Baker arrived with morning tea for everyone. Caramel Mud Cake with a Chocolate Ganache Frosting. Normally, I'd be the first to put my hand up for a slice, and even run around handing the cake out to everyone (making sure I reserved a big piece for myself of course) before settling down to devour my own slice. I didn't even offer to help Little Miss Baker. I thought about whether I was hungry or not, decided that I wasn't, and said no. It was that simple.

I know I'm not going to be able to say no every time. I struggled when the box of chocolates went around at 3pm - the smell was wafting out of the box and my mouth watered just seeing that Cadbury Purple. But I did say no once more. Not every day is like this at my workplace, but every day presents temptation to me. I just need to learn to say no more often, and only indulge at times when I really, truly want something, instead of going for everything and regretting it later.

I felt a great sense of relief knowing that I wouldn't have to justify the calorie intake to myself, or add it on to the 500 calories I had to burn today. I also didn't feel ill like I usually do after too much sugar. I didn't want to have a powernap before I started the hour long drive home after work, because I'd eaten until I was full today, and not overstuffed. It's amazing what we put our bodies through when we eat crap - I used to feel tired and lethargic every day, especially after a cafe lunch, where the serving size was much more that I needed, but I felt compelled to eat the entire plate. I am slowly learning. I'm sure I won't be this strong every time I'm tempted, but today was a good day.

First Pre-season Task - Introduce yourself!

Today was the first day of pre-season and I was amazing until about 430pm. I ate well, I had exercise planned for the evening, I was going great guns. I had left work early to go to the doctor's (bloody pills... don't know why they don't just get automatically re-prescribed when you have no issues and just don't want to get pregnant) and then came home for about 20 minutes before heading of to teach a class to a lovely little girl and then have class of my own. That 20 minutes was a disaster. I had ice cream for dinner. ICE CREAM. Oh well, it's gone now, and the turkey shepherds pie I had planned is now tomorrow's lunch or dinner, so all is not lost. There was only about 300 calories of ice cream left, so I stayed under my calories for the day but ICE CREAM? What was I thinking?

I was thinking like the old me, that's what. Enough is enough. I'm seriously pissed at myself. At least I didn't pop over to the supermarket (which is literally across the road from my house, I can see it from my bedroom window) and get some chips and chocolate and make it a feast like the old days. I counted the calories and came to the realisation that I couldn't eat dinner.

Anyway.... Today's Pre-season task was to introduce myself on the 12WBT forums:

Hi Everyone!

I'm Kelly, I'm 28 and this is my first round of 12WBT. I was inspired to join by a family friend who did Round 3 last year and had fantastic results - she seemed super motivated for the whole program and that's what I'm excited about.

I don't have any kids, but I want them. I've recently met the most wonderful man who makes me happy about being me - I knew from the minute we met that we would be together forever, and five months later I feel the same way. It's now time for me to stop using my weight as an excuse to hold me back from the things I want - I've had a little taste of happiness and I want more! He is very supportive of me - even though he says I'm perfect as I am - and now I'm giving him an excuse to perve on other girls to tell me how skinny 'too skinny' is, and what we both think is a healthy body shape.

I've been on this journey for about 18 months already - using MyFitnessPal to track my calories and exercise, but have recently fallen into the trap of exercising just enough to earn some chocolate, and then swinging past the supermarket on the way home from the gym to buy and eat said chocolate. MFP suggests that you eat back the calories you earn from exercise, as they already calculate a defecit. For me, it's like telling a drug addict they can have just a little bit every day. I haven't lost any weight for the last 5 months so clearly that's not working for me. I read somewhere that you shouldn't reward yourself with food - you're not a dog. I don't treat my body as well as I should. I deserve more. 

I've given away (not lost... I don't want to find it again) 22kgs in the last 18 months. I need to give away another 40kgs to be in the healthy weight range for my height according the BMI. I can do it, I know I can. I just have to push my body to it's limits every day. Just in the last two weeks since signing up and joining a couple of Facebook groups I have done more than I ever thought was possible. I'm excited to go through preseason to prepare myself mentally for this challenge, and to go through the 12 weeks and prepare my body for the life it's going to lead for the next 80 years!

See you all around 

Now that that is done, I'm going through everyone else's 'Introduce Yourself' posts and trying to find all the 'Kellys' so that we can be friends....

If you're still pretty when you're done, you did it wrong!

That quote was posted on a facebook page and it's brilliant. I'm never pretty when I'm done.

It's been a couple of days since my last post and I'm pleased to say I've kept up pretty well. I had a rest day on Wednesday and then stayed at the boyfriend's on Thursday. I knew I'd done nothing on Wednesday so packed my gym clothes for the boyfriend's house and walked to the supermarket to pick up the stuff for dinner and back. 4km round trip took me 40 minutes or so. I didn't remember my HRM (heart rate monitor) so don't know how much I burned but I guessed at 250 calories.

Then Friday we did a supersession at the gym. The 12WBT program calls for 1 'Super Saturday Session' (SSS) of 1000 calories burned. It doesn't necessarily happen on a Saturday, but I suppose it works well for the purposes of the program to have lots of 's' in a row. Jac and I headed to the gym and did Week 2 Day 2 of the C25K for 30 mins, then did our usual upper body weights circuit, and then jumped back on tready for an hour doing the hill program. Burned 945 calories and switched my watch off for the stretching session - so I'm sure if I had have let it run I would have ended up burning the 1000.

We meant to do the stairs this morning (Saturday) but got there and it was packed - cars parked everywhere. We're both not so confident yet, and didn't want to tackle it with so many people there, so we trundled back to the gym and did another 60 minute hill program on the tready.

It's almost halfway through the first month of the year and I've exercised every day except 3 - which is pretty good considering I only set my goals and really got organised on 3rd of January and had done nothing on the 1st or 2nd. I'm allowing myself 4 rest days a month - firstly because it's friggin tiring doing all this shit, and secondly because if I tell myself that I have to exercise every day, it will seem like a massive commitment. But if I allow myself a couple of days rest each month, I can take them (all at once, or one at a time) and then kick myself to exercise every other day. On days that I don't really feel like it, I'm committing to 20 minutes of cardio. If I still don't feel it, I'll go home. Most of the time, once I'm at 20 minutes though, I figure I might as well keep going for the hour, so I'm hoping that will continue.

Preseason for 12WBT starts Monday and that's when I'll be really strict on food etc - if I go over 1200 calories for the day I'll have to exercise my normal 500 calories and then whatever extra I've eaten. That's extra motivation not to rip into that block of chocolate or buy my lunch at work when I've clearly bought a good option with me.

I can do this, and I WILL do this. I need to get healthy.

I've also come to the realisation that I'm going to have to work this hard for the REST OF MY LIFE. Well, maybe not this hard, but I'll certainly have to be putting in 30-60 minutes of exercise a few times a week to maintain the body I want, and have worked so hard to achieve.

Wednesday Weigh Day

Today was my first 'official' weigh in for the 12WBT program. I'm down 800g, but feel like a failure. Let me explain.

I weigh myself every morning after my first wee. I only record weekly, but I still get on every morning to see how I'm going. Here lies my mistake. Monday morning I weighed in at 111.0, which was almost 3kg down from last Wednesday. This morning it was up to 113kg. I'm shattered!!

However, I do know what it is - I went out for a meal to Hog's Breath Cafe on Monday night and haven't drunk extra water to compensate for the extra sodium (God knows I'll be chugging the H2O today!) plus did the double stairs last night so hoping there's a bit of water retention there as well, as my leg muscles are well and truly aching today. Might make Thursday a rest day as I have already booked a weights/running session tonight with Jac and a girl from work.

I know I shouldn't be disappointed... but I am. Clean eating this week, lots of water, and keeping up with the exercise and the results should show next week. This is so hard....

The routine is in place!

So, my housemate and I decided on our routine. We do one day of upper body strength training (roughly 30 minutes of machines in the gym) as well as C25K program. Then one day of 1000 stairs. Rinse and repeat. We decided against doing leg strength training as we both have pretty strong legs from Calisthenics, and the stairs BURN our calves, butts and thighs so we figure they're getting good strength training from that alone.

We've been doing it for two weeks straight. I haven't taken a rest day, although I will need one soon as I can feel my body getting a little tired. I have a coaches conference coming up in about 10 days so will be taking 2 days off training that weekend, but I might throw in another rest day before then.

C25K is going well - we started week 2 yesterday which extends the minute of running from week 1 into 1:30. It was okay, but I'm dreading tomorrow. The last two runs were tough - although I did step up the speed on these two from my usual 7.5km/h to 8.5km/h and 9km/h. I might just bump them up to 8km/h tomorrow as my legs are pretty sore from the stairs tonight.

I had this crazy idea that we should do a 'double' - get back to the bottom of the stairs and turn around and go straight back up. Jac didn't take much convincing that this was a crazy/good plan and went with it. We stopped a couple of times the first time, and only one extra the second time. It was surprisingly easier than I thought - it was still a massive workout (822 cals total) and I did struggle a little towards the end - but I'm beginning to realise that my body can do a LOT more than I'm giving it credit for. I really need to start trusting that my legs can carry me, that my lungs can continue to provide the oxygen my body needs, and that my heart can pump fast enough to get the blood around to all those muscles in time.

I'm beginning to see that all this time, it was my head that was defeating me. I need to shut that bitch up and start telling her who's the boss, cause this kid doesn't wanna be the fat kid any more.

I've also picked my body-wannabe. The girl who has the body I want. Penny from The Big Bang Theory - she's got a butt (and let's face it, although mine is getting smaller, it's never gonna go away), she's got some nice tone in her arms... she just looks good. Not too skinny, but nowhere near fat. I've got the tick of approval from the boyfriend, so that's decided. Cheers to Penny!!

That awkward first meeting...

This morning I set off for a training session with some people from the 12WBT program. We decided to meet at the base of a track (the 1000 stairs in Upper Ferntree Gully). Once I got there, I was scared to meet them all so I walked straight on past anyone at the base and headed up on my own. I posted on the facebook page that I was too scared to introduce myself, a description of what I was wearing, and for them to say hi if they saw me.

The track is a 1km uphill walk, followed by 1000 stairs cut into a the mountain. It is a tribute to the Kokoda track, and there are markers along the way telling you parts of the story, and marking where you are on the track. About 3/4 of the way up the stairs, I stopped (for the hundredth time!) and saw a smiling girl coming up behind me. She immediately said, through her huffing and puffing, 'hey! you're doing that 12 week thing, aren't you?'. We finished the stairs together, and had a great chat on the way back down. It was less awkward than I anticipated, although I'm still apprehensive about meeting the rest of the girls.

It was a good trek, and I came home and had steak and eggs for breakfast. YUM!!

This is it!

OK world... this is it.

2012 is the year of ME! I have set some pretty crazy goals and am very determined to achieve them.

I'm a fat girl. I've always been a fat girl. I don't want to be a fat girl any more. So what can I do to change it? Well, sit back, relax, and watch my world change....

In August 2009 my workplace ran a Biggest Loser competition, which I competed in and came second. I started the competition with a weight of 134.7kg. Disgusted with myself, I went on Lite N Easy and started walking for half an hour a day. At the end of the Biggest Loser competition, I had lost 14kg and was pretty impressed with myself. I stopped Lite N Easy because it was too expensive, and hey, I was a winner now, I'd learned everything I needed to know and was ready to go out on my own.

In May 2010, I weighed myself again and had put back on 7kg of the 14kg I lost. Disaster.

I signed up to the local gym (open 24/7/365, no excuses!) and started trying to take control of my eating again. I also signed up to MyFitnessPal which tracks food, exercise, and also has an online community for support. Over the next few months I lost the 'found' 7kgs and a couple of kilos more.

In August 2010 the work Biggest Loser came up again. I signed up and started cycling as my daily exercise. My brother had given me his awesome bike when he headed off overseas so I signed up for a 35km charity ride and started training. In November 2010 I completed the ride in just under 2 hours (I'd set myself a goal of 2:15:00) and was pretty impressed with myself. The work Biggest Loser finished in December 2010 and I ended up with a loss of only 1kg for the whole time. Pretty unimpressive.

I decided that 2012 was going to be the year of me. On January 2nd I weighed in at 113.8kg. Yes, I've lost 20kg in 18 months. I must acknowledge that. But (and there's always a but!) in order to be in a healthy weight range for my height I need to get down to 70kg - and that's is just nudging the border between healthy and overweight. I do want to have muscle definition in my arms and legs (wouldn't mind a six-pack either while we're dreaming big!) but in no way aim to starve myself to fit the BMI definition of healthy. My current goal is to get to 90kg and reassess from there. I'm not sure that I'll ever know what my true weight should be, but I'm guessing somewhere between 75-85kg. I'd love to fit into a size 10-12 Aussie.

What am I going to do this year that I didn't do last year? I mean, I joined a gym, I tracked my food, I rode so many kms on my bike I now have a callus for a butt.... THIS YEAR I AM SO MUCH MORE DETERMINED DO GET THERE. I have set clear goals - SMART goals.

-2012kms ridden, run, walked or ellipticalled
-20120 minutes of exercise
-201200 calories burned

All of these goals are set to be completed by 31st December 2012. See the theme? It wasn't that hard to work out...

I have also signed up to the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT) to kickstart for the first few months of the year. It doesn't officially start until February 13th, but there are preseason tasks starting  in the next couple of days that stretch until the program kicks off. I've got the general gist from forums and the facebook groups which I've joined - 1200 calories of food a day, 500 calories burned through exercise a day (with one rest day and a 1000 calorie burn day to make up for the rest day). Michelle gives you a menu plan, shopping list, and exercise plan each week. No thinking required. Simple.

I'm still using MyFitnessPal to track my food and exercise, and the main difference is that MFP suggests that you eat back any exercise calories as they already calculate a defecit in your daily allowance. I ate back all my exercise calories in 2010 and feel like maybe I shouldn't have - I might have lost more weight if I didn't. I'm going to stick with Mish's plan until the program ends, and then reassess from there. I want to lose this weight as quickly as is healthily possible and then I can get started on learning how to maintain a healthy weight.

Anyway... the whole point of this was that I'm going to document my journey here. Most of the time it will probably be a boring account of what exercise I did. But I want to have it for years to come to remind myself where I've come from and what I'm capable of. You never know - I might turn it into a best-selling book and realise my dream of staying at home and raising my brood of yet-to-be-borns.