Go on world, what else do you wanna throw at me?
Tuesday morning, I was woken at 4am with Dave writhing in pain. This continued until 6:30 when the alarm went off and I went to work, without him. He has had this pain in the past, and had ultrasounds, CT scans, a gastroscopy and an MRI - all showed NOTHING. At 9:00, he decided that he couldn't cope anymore, and I left work and took him to the hospital. 4 hours in Emergency, 4 hours in Triage, and an ultrasound later, he was admitted with Gallstones. I left him there overnight, and in the morning we were informed he would be having surgery. I took the following two days off work, and have spent countless hours sat in a (quite comfortable!) hospital chair, only going home to sleep and ducking out to eat. I tried to go to work on Wednesday morning and was promptly sent away (relief!) and called in last night while very teary and explained that I wouldn't be in Thursday.
Dave has had his gall bladder out, and now has the next two weeks off work and the following 6-8 weeks on light duties (no lifting). This is SUPER HELPFUL seeing as we are moving this weekend. Can't wait to do this all on my own :(
Thursday 31 October 2013
Sunday 27 October 2013
Then life throws you a curveball.
This week was going to be the biggest week of my life. And then MORE shit happened.
First of all, this past Thursday was my last ever competitive performance of calisthenics. After 25 years, I am retired. The competition was in Ballarat - a trip my mum and I make each year, staying in a shitty hotel, eating shitty food (always the same things, it's tradition!). This year was different in that it was the first time we had a room to ourselves. Back in the cost-cutting days of childhood, we'd shared a room with two other mother/daughter combos. In later years, one of the girls moved on and it was just myself and my friend and our mothers. Last year, my friend found out at Ballarat that she was pregnant, so this year Mum and I had a room on our own. I was glad, as it was always going to be my last year, and it's awkward to tell someone that you just want to be alone, with your mum, to cry...
The comp was amazing. There are 9 of us retiring this year (out of the team of 17), and it was an emotionally charged day that was filled with tears both happy and sad, and a general appreciation of the sport which has given me so much and made me the person I am today. There were moments when I doubted my decision to give it up, but the endless hours of practice, the pain (I'm old, and have put a lot of strain on my poor knees being big all this time), the time... and the promise of a new life - marriage, babies - really drove it home that this is the time to do it. I drank in EVERY minute on that beautiful stage, in that beautiful theatre, with those beautiful people. There were many tears, many smiles, and much hearty laughter. There was a teeny tiny bit of stress, though, because of a letter we received on Monday.
We got given 120 days notice to 'vacate' our house. It's not an eviction notice, and we've done nothing wrong, but come February 16th, 2014, we can no longer live in this house. 120 days is a really long time - until you factor in what is going on in our lives at that time. We're getting MARRIED ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. We're going on our honeymoon for an entire MONTH from mid January to mid February. So we have to be out before the honeymoon, before the wedding, before Christmas. So now. Yeah, now.
We inspected a property (thankfully managed by the same place that we are currently with) on Wednesday, filled in the application, and got approved on Friday afternoon. So this week, instead of enjoying my free time now that cali is over, I'm packing to move at some point in the next two weeks. The new place is 5 minutes drive from here, and we've worked out that we'll probably be able to move most of our stuff in small trips each night, with a couple of trips in the truck that Dave can get from work for the big items. We're signing the lease on Tuesday (and handing over all our savings - sad face) and should be able to get the keys before next weekend. We've then got to give 2 weeks notice here seeing as we won't be taking the full 120 days to vacate and then we've got that time to move and get this place professionally cleaned. Phew.
So, needless to say, the exercise and diet is going terribly. Not terribly, I still managed an almost 2 hour walk today and have eaten fairly well - but I'm not expecting miracles on the scale in the morning, or for the next few weeks at least. I have completed my shakesperiment (terrible, horrible, can't stick to it and should never have tried to) and re-committed to LnE.
That's my update... More insight will follow as I've just spent 2 weeks reading a blog that has inspired me and my thoughts in the last few days. Hopefully I'll be able to find an hour or so to write about it. Possibly during *shh* work time.
First of all, this past Thursday was my last ever competitive performance of calisthenics. After 25 years, I am retired. The competition was in Ballarat - a trip my mum and I make each year, staying in a shitty hotel, eating shitty food (always the same things, it's tradition!). This year was different in that it was the first time we had a room to ourselves. Back in the cost-cutting days of childhood, we'd shared a room with two other mother/daughter combos. In later years, one of the girls moved on and it was just myself and my friend and our mothers. Last year, my friend found out at Ballarat that she was pregnant, so this year Mum and I had a room on our own. I was glad, as it was always going to be my last year, and it's awkward to tell someone that you just want to be alone, with your mum, to cry...
The comp was amazing. There are 9 of us retiring this year (out of the team of 17), and it was an emotionally charged day that was filled with tears both happy and sad, and a general appreciation of the sport which has given me so much and made me the person I am today. There were moments when I doubted my decision to give it up, but the endless hours of practice, the pain (I'm old, and have put a lot of strain on my poor knees being big all this time), the time... and the promise of a new life - marriage, babies - really drove it home that this is the time to do it. I drank in EVERY minute on that beautiful stage, in that beautiful theatre, with those beautiful people. There were many tears, many smiles, and much hearty laughter. There was a teeny tiny bit of stress, though, because of a letter we received on Monday.
We got given 120 days notice to 'vacate' our house. It's not an eviction notice, and we've done nothing wrong, but come February 16th, 2014, we can no longer live in this house. 120 days is a really long time - until you factor in what is going on in our lives at that time. We're getting MARRIED ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. We're going on our honeymoon for an entire MONTH from mid January to mid February. So we have to be out before the honeymoon, before the wedding, before Christmas. So now. Yeah, now.
We inspected a property (thankfully managed by the same place that we are currently with) on Wednesday, filled in the application, and got approved on Friday afternoon. So this week, instead of enjoying my free time now that cali is over, I'm packing to move at some point in the next two weeks. The new place is 5 minutes drive from here, and we've worked out that we'll probably be able to move most of our stuff in small trips each night, with a couple of trips in the truck that Dave can get from work for the big items. We're signing the lease on Tuesday (and handing over all our savings - sad face) and should be able to get the keys before next weekend. We've then got to give 2 weeks notice here seeing as we won't be taking the full 120 days to vacate and then we've got that time to move and get this place professionally cleaned. Phew.
So, needless to say, the exercise and diet is going terribly. Not terribly, I still managed an almost 2 hour walk today and have eaten fairly well - but I'm not expecting miracles on the scale in the morning, or for the next few weeks at least. I have completed my shakesperiment (terrible, horrible, can't stick to it and should never have tried to) and re-committed to LnE.
That's my update... More insight will follow as I've just spent 2 weeks reading a blog that has inspired me and my thoughts in the last few days. Hopefully I'll be able to find an hour or so to write about it. Possibly during *shh* work time.
Sunday 20 October 2013
The week that was.
To be brutally honest, it was shit. The positivity that I had last Sunday up and left, and I've been in a funk all week. I've eaten whatever the hell I've wanted, even crammed things in when I felt physically sick. I'm chalking it all up to the visit from my monthly friend that I have been avoiding the past few months (thankyou, hormones in a foil pack!) but really felt like I needed to have.
That's over now, but I'm not sure that the funk is. I'm feeling really anxious about my wedding dress. I ordered it months ago, thankfully not too optimistically - in the size that I was when I tried it on. I only have to lose one inch around my waist (it's the only REALLY fitted part of the dress) and if I squeeze the tape measure, I'm there. I just don't want to turn up at the fitting in a few short weeks and have the dress not fit at all, and I don't know how to reassure myself that everything will be fine.
My mum has always made clothes for me, or I've had clothes in the cupboard that I want to wear for a specific occasion. Every few weeks, I try them on - see how I'm going, see what changes (if any) will need to be made. I can't in this instance, as the dress won't arrive from the dressmaker until the day before my first fitting. I don't know what the hell I'll do if it doesn't fit, and I'll be devastated if it doesn't. What a waste of money (and a stress to find something that DOES fit).
I dunno what the answer is, but I have to be patient. I cannot do anything until it arrives at the end of November. That's 4 more weeks (5, really) of me pfaffing about. I'm lost...
Sunday 13 October 2013
Sunday Funday?
Depends what you call 'FUN', but I sure had a great day today. I started off laaaaazzzzyyy by getting out of bed at about 10am. We had a 1st birthday party to go to and needed to leave around 11, so we just bummed around on Facebook and such until it was time to go.
I had left my morning shake out on purpose, thinking that if I had a shake just before we left I'd be less likely to eat too much at the party - we were promised party food, soft drink, and a sausage sizzle. And cake. So I shook, and I quite enjoyed it. We got to the party venue to find no-one there. A quick check of my text messages and I realised we were an hour early. Oops!! I suggested going for a short walk just as the heavens opened, so we shelved that idea and stayed in the car playing Candy Crush until it was party time.
I had a sausage - is there anything better than a sausage in fresh white bread with a smothering of tomato sauce? I think no! Before I knew it, it was cake time, and I had a slice. I figured I'd passed up two cakes at work last week, and skipped on all the party food except the sausage, so I was putting all my excuses and reasons in a bag and eating the bloody cake. It was delicious - chocolate mud cake with fondant icing. A few minutes later, I was in a sugar coma...
We got home at about 4, and I got changed and headed to the gym. 90 minutes on the treadmill, with a few running and jogging spurts, and 30 minutes of upper body strength training, and it was time to go home. I mostly stayed at the gym so long because I knew I'd want to eat as soon as I got home, and any time before 6 was not going to bode well for the rest of the evening. Prawn Stir Fry was delicious, once again.
I'd been needing to burn some CDs for cali for a few weeks and really needed to get them done for tomorrow night, but we didn't have any blank ones at home so I had to go back out. I hit Coles and got CDs and suddenly realised there was also a bag of Natural Confectionery Jelly Babies in my hand as well, as I was walking back to the car. I ripped open the packet like the sugar fiend I am, and then realised what I was doing. Checking the label, I found that one serving is 5 babies. 5 babies? Ok, count out 5 and put the rest away. Check. Eat said babies. Check. Eat 5 more. Check. WTF ARE YOU DOING??? STOP!!!
Bag away, I was home. Logged everything into MFP, silent high-5 for the 15k step day according to Fitbit. Silent scolding for lollies, but pat on the back for stopping and not eating the whole packet on the 4 minute drive home. Lollies were nice, and I'm sure I'll appreciate them more each day as I count out 5 and enjoy them in my own time. Sugar free ain't me!
What's the plan for this week? Well, I have a few more days' worth of the 'Rapid' shakes, and to be honest, I'm not as hungry as I was the first few days. I'm going to keep it up, making sure I have ready access to the snack and meal replacement bars at work as well to mix it up a bit. Once the 'Rapid' shakes are gone, there are about 10 days' worth of the 'Trim' shakes and I'm 90% sure I'm going to complete the 17 days. I cannot be as restrictive as the program prescribes, because I'll just throw it all in. I know me. But I will keep at it, continue to make delicious stir fries for dinner, and continue to say no MOST of the time to treats.
I read somewhere that time will pass regardless of how you spend it, so make the most of what you have. I'm not an 'all-in-gung-ho-get-it-done' kinda girl, but I am a 'give-it-your-best-and-get-it-done-most-of-the-time' kinda girl. Right now, that's all I'm asking of myself. It's working, I'm in a positive mindset, and that's fun!
I had left my morning shake out on purpose, thinking that if I had a shake just before we left I'd be less likely to eat too much at the party - we were promised party food, soft drink, and a sausage sizzle. And cake. So I shook, and I quite enjoyed it. We got to the party venue to find no-one there. A quick check of my text messages and I realised we were an hour early. Oops!! I suggested going for a short walk just as the heavens opened, so we shelved that idea and stayed in the car playing Candy Crush until it was party time.
I had a sausage - is there anything better than a sausage in fresh white bread with a smothering of tomato sauce? I think no! Before I knew it, it was cake time, and I had a slice. I figured I'd passed up two cakes at work last week, and skipped on all the party food except the sausage, so I was putting all my excuses and reasons in a bag and eating the bloody cake. It was delicious - chocolate mud cake with fondant icing. A few minutes later, I was in a sugar coma...
We got home at about 4, and I got changed and headed to the gym. 90 minutes on the treadmill, with a few running and jogging spurts, and 30 minutes of upper body strength training, and it was time to go home. I mostly stayed at the gym so long because I knew I'd want to eat as soon as I got home, and any time before 6 was not going to bode well for the rest of the evening. Prawn Stir Fry was delicious, once again.
I'd been needing to burn some CDs for cali for a few weeks and really needed to get them done for tomorrow night, but we didn't have any blank ones at home so I had to go back out. I hit Coles and got CDs and suddenly realised there was also a bag of Natural Confectionery Jelly Babies in my hand as well, as I was walking back to the car. I ripped open the packet like the sugar fiend I am, and then realised what I was doing. Checking the label, I found that one serving is 5 babies. 5 babies? Ok, count out 5 and put the rest away. Check. Eat said babies. Check. Eat 5 more. Check. WTF ARE YOU DOING??? STOP!!!
Bag away, I was home. Logged everything into MFP, silent high-5 for the 15k step day according to Fitbit. Silent scolding for lollies, but pat on the back for stopping and not eating the whole packet on the 4 minute drive home. Lollies were nice, and I'm sure I'll appreciate them more each day as I count out 5 and enjoy them in my own time. Sugar free ain't me!
What's the plan for this week? Well, I have a few more days' worth of the 'Rapid' shakes, and to be honest, I'm not as hungry as I was the first few days. I'm going to keep it up, making sure I have ready access to the snack and meal replacement bars at work as well to mix it up a bit. Once the 'Rapid' shakes are gone, there are about 10 days' worth of the 'Trim' shakes and I'm 90% sure I'm going to complete the 17 days. I cannot be as restrictive as the program prescribes, because I'll just throw it all in. I know me. But I will keep at it, continue to make delicious stir fries for dinner, and continue to say no MOST of the time to treats.
I read somewhere that time will pass regardless of how you spend it, so make the most of what you have. I'm not an 'all-in-gung-ho-get-it-done' kinda girl, but I am a 'give-it-your-best-and-get-it-done-most-of-the-time' kinda girl. Right now, that's all I'm asking of myself. It's working, I'm in a positive mindset, and that's fun!
Saturday 12 October 2013
Another day, another shake (or two!)
Today went well - sleep in, shakes for breakky and lunch, big walk in the evening (Loving Daylight Savings!!) and a sensible dinner.
This was Prawn Stir Fry that I made up tonight - small amount of noodles and bucketloads of bean shoots that I think take on a noodley kinda role in a dish like this. The sauce was a mixture of sweet chilli, hoisin, kecap manis and oyster sauce - I had lots of half jars and bottles in the fridge and couldn't decide on the flavour so I just chucked them all in. Turns out there was a little too much chilli, but I'll fix that next time :)
The good news is I made 3 portions, so no cooking tomorrow night. I'm not home Monday nights, but I will take it to work to have for lunch on Monday and make lunch my 'food' meal and have a shake for dinner between classes. I teach from 4:30-6:30 and then have my own class from 7-10 so that half hour isn't really enough time to organise a proper dinner, and if I don't eat, I know I'll end up at Maccas like I have every Monday since February.
I kinda fell over and landed on a Honeycomb Maxibon after dinner. Well... ok... I didn't fall on it, I got it from the freezer... There are no excuses. I wanted an icecream, it was there, I had it. I'm still WAYYY under my calories for the day thanks to the shakes and the walk, and I don't feel one bit guilty. Guilt is something I no longer wish to feel about food. The shakes allow me to have the occasional splurge - I just need to not make it a regular thing (once or twice a week should be fine!).
Shakesperiment SUCKS!!
Friday went fairly well, shake in the morning, shake in the lunchtime, shake in the arvo. Temptation all around and willpower prevailed. It didn't prevail once we got home and Dave suggested ordering Parma and chips from the local. Nor did it prevail when the gelato arrived.
I did end the day with a few calories remaining - namely thanks to the 45 minute walk/jog/run that happened in the AM. Carbs and I are friends. Low carb and I don't get along.
I will continue the experiment, but I won't get the results, because I'm doing it wrong. I guess at least my losses will be there because of calorie restriction, and not because of losing water due to having no carbs in my body. My loss may not be just fat, but it will be a loss. Strength training will ensure muscle loss is minimal. I guess we'll see what happens on Monday at weigh-in...
I did end the day with a few calories remaining - namely thanks to the 45 minute walk/jog/run that happened in the AM. Carbs and I are friends. Low carb and I don't get along.
I will continue the experiment, but I won't get the results, because I'm doing it wrong. I guess at least my losses will be there because of calorie restriction, and not because of losing water due to having no carbs in my body. My loss may not be just fat, but it will be a loss. Strength training will ensure muscle loss is minimal. I guess we'll see what happens on Monday at weigh-in...
Thursday 10 October 2013
The first 'real' day
Today was the first 'real' day where I followed the program to the letter. Or at least, I tried to. Yesterday was awesome for the most part, but we did have pizza for dinner, so I didn't stick to the 'low-no carbs for dinner' guideline. Today, however, I stuck to everything.
After my 7am shake, I was going well. 8am arrived, and my heart sank as a coworker arrived with a caramel mudcake from the Cheesecake Shop. My absolute FAVOURITE cake in the world. The hunger kicked in around 10:30am, after I ignored the cravings for cake all morning. I patiently waited for 11am to arrive and made my second shake. Still no cake.
Lunch break. 12:30pm. My colleague and I went out on break, and it was a little awkward watching her eat her muffins and cheese, but I stuck with it. Back to my desk, and some kind soul had placed a slice of cake on it. Are you joking?? I didn't eat it. I gave it to another coworker. It was bloody hard, but I did it. Only another hour until my next shake. True hunger set in - headache, stomach pains, cravings. I'm not sure that I've ever FELT hunger before - I've always given in to cravings right away. It was satisfying to say no and not give in. I also have the 500 or so Freddos sitting on display on my desk, and I said no to those as well.
2pm. Shake time. I was fine then until about 5pm. I'd finished work at 4, gone to Coles to pick up the vegies for dinner tonight. I didn't buy chocolate, chips, lollies, icecream, or bread. Or cake. Like I wanted to, or usually would have. Waiting for Dave to come out of work was hard. It had been 3 hours since my last shake and I was beginning to feel the hunger again. Water didn't help (I've drunk 3 litres today!), and I was having thoughts of giving up. Driving home, traffic was crap, and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym.
We got home, changed, and I got back in the car. I have my snack bars in the boot ready for next week and I have to admit I had one of those on the way to the shops. There was no way I was going into a shopping centre containing all sorts of deliciousness on a rumbly tummy. I had a list of things I needed to get at the supermarket (because I hadn't thought about things like shampoo and toilet paper in my single-minded 'vegies' shop an hour before), and I ended up just getting those things and coming back home. I WILL NOT force myself to go to the gym when my body is tired and my head isn't in it. I don't want to resent going, or make it a place that is not positive for me. So I didn't go - I walked a couple of laps of the supermarket, and came home to cook dinner. I made a stir-fry with heaps of veg for 650 calories (no rice or noodles, but bean sprouts!) and ate my mountain of food.
Sitting here 3 hours later, I'm a little peckish. Not starving, not hungry even, but just a little peckish. Let's see how tomorrow goes.
After my 7am shake, I was going well. 8am arrived, and my heart sank as a coworker arrived with a caramel mudcake from the Cheesecake Shop. My absolute FAVOURITE cake in the world. The hunger kicked in around 10:30am, after I ignored the cravings for cake all morning. I patiently waited for 11am to arrive and made my second shake. Still no cake.
Lunch break. 12:30pm. My colleague and I went out on break, and it was a little awkward watching her eat her muffins and cheese, but I stuck with it. Back to my desk, and some kind soul had placed a slice of cake on it. Are you joking?? I didn't eat it. I gave it to another coworker. It was bloody hard, but I did it. Only another hour until my next shake. True hunger set in - headache, stomach pains, cravings. I'm not sure that I've ever FELT hunger before - I've always given in to cravings right away. It was satisfying to say no and not give in. I also have the 500 or so Freddos sitting on display on my desk, and I said no to those as well.
2pm. Shake time. I was fine then until about 5pm. I'd finished work at 4, gone to Coles to pick up the vegies for dinner tonight. I didn't buy chocolate, chips, lollies, icecream, or bread. Or cake. Like I wanted to, or usually would have. Waiting for Dave to come out of work was hard. It had been 3 hours since my last shake and I was beginning to feel the hunger again. Water didn't help (I've drunk 3 litres today!), and I was having thoughts of giving up. Driving home, traffic was crap, and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym.
We got home, changed, and I got back in the car. I have my snack bars in the boot ready for next week and I have to admit I had one of those on the way to the shops. There was no way I was going into a shopping centre containing all sorts of deliciousness on a rumbly tummy. I had a list of things I needed to get at the supermarket (because I hadn't thought about things like shampoo and toilet paper in my single-minded 'vegies' shop an hour before), and I ended up just getting those things and coming back home. I WILL NOT force myself to go to the gym when my body is tired and my head isn't in it. I don't want to resent going, or make it a place that is not positive for me. So I didn't go - I walked a couple of laps of the supermarket, and came home to cook dinner. I made a stir-fry with heaps of veg for 650 calories (no rice or noodles, but bean sprouts!) and ate my mountain of food.
Sitting here 3 hours later, I'm a little peckish. Not starving, not hungry even, but just a little peckish. Let's see how tomorrow goes.
Wednesday 9 October 2013
My 17 day 'shakesperiment'.
So today was the first day of my 17 day 'shakesperiment'. After receiving my shit in the mail yesterday and reading through the guidelines of the 'program' I decided to turn this into an experiment. I'm going to document how I feel - both hunger wise and my mood. Side effects seem to include irritability, crankiness, moodiness, dizziness, nausea and hunger. Sounds like fun, hey?
I thought I'd be able to have LnE dinners, but the program is essentially low carb, and dinner is suggested to consist of meat and veg - with little to no carbs. Most of the LnE dinners contain a high carb content, so they're out. I'll be buying some chicken breasts and steaks/marinated meats and cooking them on the George Forman Grill along with some steamed veg. Tonight, of course, is Pizza night, so I'm having a small one as a last hurrah.
I have enough powder to make shakes for the first 7 days of the 'Rapid' phase - 3 shakes a day plus dinner, no snacks. Then, I have enough of the 'Trim' shakes and snacks for a further 10 days of the next (you guessed it, Trim) phase where breakky and lunch are a shake or meal replacement bar and the snacks are a smaller meal replacement bar twice daily. The 'sensible' dinner is also recommended.
I was planning on not telling Dave, but I don't want to lie to him, so I told him tonight what I was doing. I was just going to order LnE and pretend I was eating it, but the dinner situation would prove difficult. I'm not that girl, who lies to her partner and sneaks around, so I told him that I want to do this, just for 3 weeks, to see what happens. He's not happy that I'm basically cutting out a whole food group (carbs) and to be honest I'm not sure that I'm thrilled about it either.
So why am I doing it?
I really want to know what it feels like to be on a low-carb diet. I'm 99% sure my body is going to react badly, but I'm also curious as to just how much weight I could lose in a few short weeks. I'm also curious what will happen in the following weeks - how much of the weight lost will return once carbs are re-introduced? How will my body react during the shakesperiment, and how will it react afterwards?
17 days to find out...
I thought I'd be able to have LnE dinners, but the program is essentially low carb, and dinner is suggested to consist of meat and veg - with little to no carbs. Most of the LnE dinners contain a high carb content, so they're out. I'll be buying some chicken breasts and steaks/marinated meats and cooking them on the George Forman Grill along with some steamed veg. Tonight, of course, is Pizza night, so I'm having a small one as a last hurrah.
I have enough powder to make shakes for the first 7 days of the 'Rapid' phase - 3 shakes a day plus dinner, no snacks. Then, I have enough of the 'Trim' shakes and snacks for a further 10 days of the next (you guessed it, Trim) phase where breakky and lunch are a shake or meal replacement bar and the snacks are a smaller meal replacement bar twice daily. The 'sensible' dinner is also recommended.
I was planning on not telling Dave, but I don't want to lie to him, so I told him tonight what I was doing. I was just going to order LnE and pretend I was eating it, but the dinner situation would prove difficult. I'm not that girl, who lies to her partner and sneaks around, so I told him that I want to do this, just for 3 weeks, to see what happens. He's not happy that I'm basically cutting out a whole food group (carbs) and to be honest I'm not sure that I'm thrilled about it either.
So why am I doing it?
I really want to know what it feels like to be on a low-carb diet. I'm 99% sure my body is going to react badly, but I'm also curious as to just how much weight I could lose in a few short weeks. I'm also curious what will happen in the following weeks - how much of the weight lost will return once carbs are re-introduced? How will my body react during the shakesperiment, and how will it react afterwards?
17 days to find out...
Sunday 6 October 2013
Weekend Wrap Up
I woke up on Saturday with no improvement to the arm situation. Sad face. The show must go on, however, so I sucked it up and got on with my day. We started off with a breakfast at Lazy Moe's. For anyone who doesn't know, pretty much the aim of this restaurant is to serve giant, delicious meals at a reasonable price. They do it very well. I chose the French Toast with bacon and maple syrup, and as we ate at about 9:30 decided it would be lunch as well.
I headed off to Mum's after getting ready for the comp, for her to do my hair and have a last minute costume check. We went to the comp, did FUCKING AWESOMELY, and then it was all over. As I knew, once I got on stage and the adrenalin was pumping, I didn't notice the pain from my stupidity. After each item, though, getting changed for the next one, it hurt again. Weird. We came runner's up (2nd) overall, so it was a very successful outing. It came right down to the last item, and we won it (our coaches have done a brilliant job with a brilliant concept that blows the audience - and the judge - away EVERY TIME). It's such a thrill and I'm really going to miss it once it's over for the year.
This year is my last year of competing at Cali. Most don't last into their 30s, especially at this level, and I think I've done bloody well to get where I have. The truth, though, is that it's time to start a family. I might come back to it in a few years, but it will be to 'Masters' where the competition isn't quite as tough and the commitment is nowhere near as high. I'm so so sad to be finishing but I've had a great 25 years, full of highs and lows, fun and tears. It's time to start the next chapter of my life.
Anyway, back to the weekend. I finished off the night with the usual celebration at Macca's. I've been trying to listen to my hunger cues and not eat 'just because'. During the night Mum had offered me a choc chip cookie and a Kit Kat, both of which I refused because I didn't actually feel like them. I did have a pizza roll about halfway through the comp, and only ate that because although I wasn't hungry, I started to feel a bit dizzy coming off stage. At Maccas, we usually get a full meal each (at 11pm... crazy!!) but I told Mum to choose between the burger and the fries and we would split a meal. Good choice. I had the burger, she had the fries, and I got through the day almost even on calories.
This morning was daylight savings changeover, so we lost an hour. A little sleep-in, and we headed off to the Queen Vic Market for a browse. An hour or so of wandering around and we came home for lunch, having managed to avoid all the deliciousness that IS the market. We didn't buy anything else, just wandered around. It was a lovely morning, beautiful sunshine, not too hot, not too cold.
I had a quick lunch, after realising we hadn't eaten breaky either. LnE all the way, then I headed off to the gym. I did some intervals on the treadmill for 30 mins and then decided to back up the strength training the other day and keep it going. Another half hour of upper-body work and I was about to leave when I noticed this big guy that has been at the gym in the last week or so. When I say big, I mean BIG. Bigger than anyone I've EVER seen. He struggles to fit between the side rails of the treadmill. Yet he's there. EVERY TIME I have been there this week.
I watched this guy today, not creepily (I hope), but in awe of what he was doing. He's trying. He's sweating. He's there. I used to be that girl. The girl who could only walk on the treadmill because she couldn't do anything else. The girl that turned up every day and just did it because she wanted something more. I realised I still am that girl. The girl who needs to turn up every day and do what needs to be done.
I ordered Celebrity Slim last week. Yes, I know. It's not real food. It's a meal replacement shake, designed to sort-of fill you up while you're pretending you're not hungry. I'm going to do it for 3 weeks - the first is the 'Rapid' phase, where you drink 3 shakes a day and have a 'normal' dinner (in my case it'll be LnE). The next phase is the 'Trim' phase where you have 2 shakes and two snacks a day, then a 'normal' dinner. I'll do that stage for two weeks. At the end of the 3 weeks I'll assess and see if my hunger/irritability is worth the weight loss. I'm banking on it not being, but I'm hoping that the weight loss will be enough to kick start my motivation again. It should all arrive in the next day or so, so I'll begin as soon as it does.
I've got this.
I headed off to Mum's after getting ready for the comp, for her to do my hair and have a last minute costume check. We went to the comp, did FUCKING AWESOMELY, and then it was all over. As I knew, once I got on stage and the adrenalin was pumping, I didn't notice the pain from my stupidity. After each item, though, getting changed for the next one, it hurt again. Weird. We came runner's up (2nd) overall, so it was a very successful outing. It came right down to the last item, and we won it (our coaches have done a brilliant job with a brilliant concept that blows the audience - and the judge - away EVERY TIME). It's such a thrill and I'm really going to miss it once it's over for the year.
This year is my last year of competing at Cali. Most don't last into their 30s, especially at this level, and I think I've done bloody well to get where I have. The truth, though, is that it's time to start a family. I might come back to it in a few years, but it will be to 'Masters' where the competition isn't quite as tough and the commitment is nowhere near as high. I'm so so sad to be finishing but I've had a great 25 years, full of highs and lows, fun and tears. It's time to start the next chapter of my life.
Anyway, back to the weekend. I finished off the night with the usual celebration at Macca's. I've been trying to listen to my hunger cues and not eat 'just because'. During the night Mum had offered me a choc chip cookie and a Kit Kat, both of which I refused because I didn't actually feel like them. I did have a pizza roll about halfway through the comp, and only ate that because although I wasn't hungry, I started to feel a bit dizzy coming off stage. At Maccas, we usually get a full meal each (at 11pm... crazy!!) but I told Mum to choose between the burger and the fries and we would split a meal. Good choice. I had the burger, she had the fries, and I got through the day almost even on calories.
This morning was daylight savings changeover, so we lost an hour. A little sleep-in, and we headed off to the Queen Vic Market for a browse. An hour or so of wandering around and we came home for lunch, having managed to avoid all the deliciousness that IS the market. We didn't buy anything else, just wandered around. It was a lovely morning, beautiful sunshine, not too hot, not too cold.
I had a quick lunch, after realising we hadn't eaten breaky either. LnE all the way, then I headed off to the gym. I did some intervals on the treadmill for 30 mins and then decided to back up the strength training the other day and keep it going. Another half hour of upper-body work and I was about to leave when I noticed this big guy that has been at the gym in the last week or so. When I say big, I mean BIG. Bigger than anyone I've EVER seen. He struggles to fit between the side rails of the treadmill. Yet he's there. EVERY TIME I have been there this week.
I watched this guy today, not creepily (I hope), but in awe of what he was doing. He's trying. He's sweating. He's there. I used to be that girl. The girl who could only walk on the treadmill because she couldn't do anything else. The girl that turned up every day and just did it because she wanted something more. I realised I still am that girl. The girl who needs to turn up every day and do what needs to be done.
I ordered Celebrity Slim last week. Yes, I know. It's not real food. It's a meal replacement shake, designed to sort-of fill you up while you're pretending you're not hungry. I'm going to do it for 3 weeks - the first is the 'Rapid' phase, where you drink 3 shakes a day and have a 'normal' dinner (in my case it'll be LnE). The next phase is the 'Trim' phase where you have 2 shakes and two snacks a day, then a 'normal' dinner. I'll do that stage for two weeks. At the end of the 3 weeks I'll assess and see if my hunger/irritability is worth the weight loss. I'm banking on it not being, but I'm hoping that the weight loss will be enough to kick start my motivation again. It should all arrive in the next day or so, so I'll begin as soon as it does.
I've got this.
Friday 4 October 2013
This is what happens when you...
... don't do strength training for about six months, and then do, again.
I can hardly straighten or lift my arms from a lazy 30 reps of bicep curls and 30 reps of tricep extensions. Two days ago. OUCH!
The stupid thing is, I have a competition for Cali tomorrow night and I kinda need my arms for that. I've done a bit of self-massage tonight and will do the same in the morning to try and get rid of the lactic acid or whatever it is that is causing me pain. It's not an injury, just soreness, but boy I chose the wrong week to start upping the intensity. Six more weeks of cali and then I'm done for the year, so I'll tone it down (not cut it, just dial it back a smidge) until that's over.
In other news, I discovered yesterday that my gym has opened an outlet right near my work. My gym is one of those 24/7 keypass entry gyms where the key works at EVERY OUTLET IN THE WORLD. It's super convenient because it means that when we travel, we have no excuse not to exercise. It also means that I have access to a gym right near home, cali/mum & dads, and work. Wherever I am, if I have half an hour spare, I can get some steps or a good workout in.
I dropped in there this morning for a walk. The equipment is so very new there, it took me a little while to work out how to even turn the treadmill on!! Luckily it wasn't too busy between 7am and 8am, which is the time I will be regularly going - there is a great range of equipment in both the cardio and strength sections. It's definitely taking away my 'bad weather' excuse for morning training.
I haven't hit 12,000 steps on any day yet this month, but I have felt my whole attitude change. I like it.
I can hardly straighten or lift my arms from a lazy 30 reps of bicep curls and 30 reps of tricep extensions. Two days ago. OUCH!
The stupid thing is, I have a competition for Cali tomorrow night and I kinda need my arms for that. I've done a bit of self-massage tonight and will do the same in the morning to try and get rid of the lactic acid or whatever it is that is causing me pain. It's not an injury, just soreness, but boy I chose the wrong week to start upping the intensity. Six more weeks of cali and then I'm done for the year, so I'll tone it down (not cut it, just dial it back a smidge) until that's over.
In other news, I discovered yesterday that my gym has opened an outlet right near my work. My gym is one of those 24/7 keypass entry gyms where the key works at EVERY OUTLET IN THE WORLD. It's super convenient because it means that when we travel, we have no excuse not to exercise. It also means that I have access to a gym right near home, cali/mum & dads, and work. Wherever I am, if I have half an hour spare, I can get some steps or a good workout in.
I dropped in there this morning for a walk. The equipment is so very new there, it took me a little while to work out how to even turn the treadmill on!! Luckily it wasn't too busy between 7am and 8am, which is the time I will be regularly going - there is a great range of equipment in both the cardio and strength sections. It's definitely taking away my 'bad weather' excuse for morning training.
I haven't hit 12,000 steps on any day yet this month, but I have felt my whole attitude change. I like it.
Wednesday 2 October 2013
Steptember Lessons
I had a few goals for Steptember, and now that it's over, I thought I'd reflect on what I've learned. My guidelines were:
-10,000 steps per day, no matter how
-Own my food choices
-Make Mondays better
I went very well on the step count. I had only 2 days out of 30 where I missed my 10,000 target. My average step count over the 30 days was 11,319. This is almost double my average daily step count as at June 30, so I'm really happy with that. To be honest, it really hasn't been that hard. Sometimes just 20-30 minutes stepping on the spot while watching TV was all it took to bump me up to the 10,000. Incidental exercise also helped - taking the long way to the loo at work, parking a bit further away at the shops. I also didn't care that I looked like an idiot on morning and afternoon breaks at work, marching on the spot while chatting to a colleague who refused to walk up and down the street in her killer heels. The price some people pay for fashion is ridiculous. I swear I will never understand it.
Owning my food choices is still a struggle. I am consciously making decisions I know are not the best, but I make them anyway. I talk myself out of the best choices constantly, and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. I am proud of one small achievement though. I don't know if I've mentioned my fundraising efforts for my big walk, but we've ordered 800 or so Cadbury chockies to sell. I've currently got about 500 of them at my desk, in boxes, out on display during business hours. In the past, with fundraising chocolates, I buy most of them myself and eat them. Probably between 5 and 7 a day, because you've gotta have one of every flavour and you can't decide on just one so you eat them all. WELL. I made a decision when they arrived that I was eating just the ones that melted in the car during pickup. I ate three of them in one go and felt awfully sick, so I threw the rest out (about 20 of them!) to avoid further self-destruction. That still left me with 500 various goodies to tempt me. I'm allowing myself ONE per day.
The part that I'm proud of is that there has not been one day that I have gone over quota. Today, I didn't even have one! Sure, there've been other slips and mishaps along the way (namely with other treats and the irresistible pull of the cafe across the road), but my big downfall, chocolate, is beginning to come under control. I will never be cured, and I will never NOT eat it, but I do want to get a handle on my uncontrollable mindless gorging.
Realising that I don't eat because I am hungry has also been a lesson. I joked that I eat because my mouth is empty, and it's not really that funny. It's scary. I've begun to look into Overeaters Anonymous and am seriously considering trying to find a meeting. The only hesitation I have is that they ask you to surrender to the fact that another power is in control (God, whatever higher power you believe in) and I struggle with that concept. I am so far refusing to accept that I am not in control, despite evidence to the contrary. I want to own my choices, not surrender to someone else. I feel like that might make it easier to blame someone other than myself. I don't know... it's all so confusing...
Mondays have been better - although still not perfect. I'm not stopping at Macca's at 10pm just because I feel like it. If I'm not hungry, I don't go. That's a bonus!
Choctober is a bust. There is no way I can go without chocolate. So let's set some realistic guidelines for October. The step thing really worked in September. I want to up my average step count again. I also need to adjust my food - instead of having a hard and fast calorie target, I'm going to have a target range of net calories. For those of you who don't know, net calories are whatever you eat minus whatever you exercise. My Fitbit gives me a rough estimate of what I have burned, so with accurate food logging this is very possible.
The numbers:
-12,000 average daily step count for the month of October.
-Net calories between 1500 and 1700 daily.
How can I get the numbers to work?
-Get stepping. Make a concerted effort to get to the gym or to the beach, EVERY day.
-Stop eating once I hit 1700 calories for the day. Regardless of when it is. If I want chocolate, I eat it until there are no calories left. I'll soon learn that dinner is more important than instant gratification. Or I'll actually know what it feels like to be hungry.
What do you think? Can I do it?
-10,000 steps per day, no matter how
-Own my food choices
-Make Mondays better
I went very well on the step count. I had only 2 days out of 30 where I missed my 10,000 target. My average step count over the 30 days was 11,319. This is almost double my average daily step count as at June 30, so I'm really happy with that. To be honest, it really hasn't been that hard. Sometimes just 20-30 minutes stepping on the spot while watching TV was all it took to bump me up to the 10,000. Incidental exercise also helped - taking the long way to the loo at work, parking a bit further away at the shops. I also didn't care that I looked like an idiot on morning and afternoon breaks at work, marching on the spot while chatting to a colleague who refused to walk up and down the street in her killer heels. The price some people pay for fashion is ridiculous. I swear I will never understand it.
Owning my food choices is still a struggle. I am consciously making decisions I know are not the best, but I make them anyway. I talk myself out of the best choices constantly, and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. I am proud of one small achievement though. I don't know if I've mentioned my fundraising efforts for my big walk, but we've ordered 800 or so Cadbury chockies to sell. I've currently got about 500 of them at my desk, in boxes, out on display during business hours. In the past, with fundraising chocolates, I buy most of them myself and eat them. Probably between 5 and 7 a day, because you've gotta have one of every flavour and you can't decide on just one so you eat them all. WELL. I made a decision when they arrived that I was eating just the ones that melted in the car during pickup. I ate three of them in one go and felt awfully sick, so I threw the rest out (about 20 of them!) to avoid further self-destruction. That still left me with 500 various goodies to tempt me. I'm allowing myself ONE per day.
The part that I'm proud of is that there has not been one day that I have gone over quota. Today, I didn't even have one! Sure, there've been other slips and mishaps along the way (namely with other treats and the irresistible pull of the cafe across the road), but my big downfall, chocolate, is beginning to come under control. I will never be cured, and I will never NOT eat it, but I do want to get a handle on my uncontrollable mindless gorging.
Realising that I don't eat because I am hungry has also been a lesson. I joked that I eat because my mouth is empty, and it's not really that funny. It's scary. I've begun to look into Overeaters Anonymous and am seriously considering trying to find a meeting. The only hesitation I have is that they ask you to surrender to the fact that another power is in control (God, whatever higher power you believe in) and I struggle with that concept. I am so far refusing to accept that I am not in control, despite evidence to the contrary. I want to own my choices, not surrender to someone else. I feel like that might make it easier to blame someone other than myself. I don't know... it's all so confusing...
Mondays have been better - although still not perfect. I'm not stopping at Macca's at 10pm just because I feel like it. If I'm not hungry, I don't go. That's a bonus!
Choctober is a bust. There is no way I can go without chocolate. So let's set some realistic guidelines for October. The step thing really worked in September. I want to up my average step count again. I also need to adjust my food - instead of having a hard and fast calorie target, I'm going to have a target range of net calories. For those of you who don't know, net calories are whatever you eat minus whatever you exercise. My Fitbit gives me a rough estimate of what I have burned, so with accurate food logging this is very possible.
The numbers:
-12,000 average daily step count for the month of October.
-Net calories between 1500 and 1700 daily.
How can I get the numbers to work?
-Get stepping. Make a concerted effort to get to the gym or to the beach, EVERY day.
-Stop eating once I hit 1700 calories for the day. Regardless of when it is. If I want chocolate, I eat it until there are no calories left. I'll soon learn that dinner is more important than instant gratification. Or I'll actually know what it feels like to be hungry.
What do you think? Can I do it?
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