It's almost the end of Steptember and I am pleased to report that I have only had 2 days where I have not met my target. One of those days I have already talked about. The second was this past Sunday. I had taken my first training walk on Saturday for another charity walk I have signed up for. I know I swore to never do silly things like that again but the truth is I enjoyed the challenge. I enjoyed the feeling of knowing everyone else thought I couldn't do it and then proving them wrong. This time it's 60km over 2 days. I'm sure I'll post a link on this blog closer to the event (March 2014) so keep an eye out. Anyway, back to the story.
So we went on a training walk that was supposed to be 10km, but turned out due to a comedy of errors to be closer to 15km. I was going to back it up by doing another big walk (10-15km) on the Sunday, but instead I just sat on the couch all day watching Dexter saying to myself 'at the end of the next episode I'll get up'. I didn't. I just sat there all day, until about 9:30pm when I felt so guilty I got out my Samsung tablet and walked on the spot while reading some weight loss and fitness blogs. I got to 8,000 steps by 11:30pm and gave up and went to bed. While I didn't achieve my 10,000 step goal, I had almost 30,000 steps for the weekend so I really don't feel bad at all. I know I wasn't going to accept averages, and I'm not making an excuse, but it doesn't mean I can't feel a tiny sense of achievement for getting off the couch and doing SOMETHING.
Food, on the other hand, has been a disaster. I just can't get my head around it. I was saying to my friend at work today, during lunch, that I have been contemplating lap-band surgery. I am 99% against surgical intervention, because I WANT to do this on my own, but there's that little part of me that thinks it's the easy way out and I just want to take it to be done with this shit. I know it's not easy, and it's very easy to put the weight back on after removal of the band. Gastric sleeve is something I wouldn't consider because I simply do not want to be taking vitamins and supplements for the rest of my life because my stomach won't hold enough basic food. Anyway, we were talking about it, and I said something off the cuff that made us both wet ourselves with laughter.
'I don't think it would work for me, because I don't eat because I'm hungry, I eat because my mouth is empty'
I realised in that split second that it was VERY true. A lap band wouldn't help me, gastric bypass wouldn't help me. I would eat until I vomited, and then I'd eat some more because I'd vomited and made some room. This scares me. I don't know how to get past it. I need much more than the latest fad or surgery. I just don't know what it is or where to find it.
I think it's all in my head, and I need to get my head right.
This walk I am doing is for research and support for Women's Cancers. There is a much higher fundraising requirement than the walk I did earlier in the year - I have to raise a minimum of $2k to qualify to walk. I'm doing it with a friend, so we have to raise a minimum of $4k together. That's a buttload of money. What have we done? We've ordered Cadbury chocolates to kickstart the fundraising. That's right, me, self confessed food addict, has boxes and boxes of chocolates in my possession. Waiting to be eaten. Normally, what I would do, is pick one of each flavour, say I'm having ONE a day, and then eat them all in one go. I'd do it again the next day, and the next, until they were all gone. This time, I've paid for EVERY SINGLE CHOCOLATE in my possession. $581 worth, to be precise.
The chocs got delivered to my friend who is home all day with her gorgeous newborn. She delivered them to me at our training walk, and because it was such a nice day, some of them got melted in the car. After I got home, I sorted them all out and separated out the melted ones, justifying to myself that they were the ones I was allowed to eat because I couldn't (in good conscience) sell them to someone else. $21 worth. This is the way my mind works. I'll help someone else not eat ruined melted chocolate by eating it myself! Go me! Raising money for a good cause!
I've taken the chocs to work and have them all under my desk. Each morning, I dutifully set them up to tempt anyone walking by my desk with my impressive array of variety of brightly coloured packaging. My sneaky box of melted ones sits at the bottom of the pile, just beckoning me to eat them. Yesterday, I put that box in my car. On the way home from work, I ate three. I felt sick. There were 17 left. I contemplated eating more. I don't know why, but I am VERY PROUD of what I did next. When I got home, I took that box out of my car. I opened the rubbish bin lid. I dumped them in the bin. I didn't take them out. They're gone.
I can't say I'll have that willpower for the 500 or so others that are by my desk, but I do know that I am determined to not do what I did (and have done) in the past. It's so tempting to have them next to me all day, but this is a test for me. A test I will fail more than once. I know this.
What do I need more than anything? To stop this cycle of binging. To stop thinking of food as a reward and start thinking of it as fuel for my body. Right now, this is the stupidest concept to me. One day, it will come naturally, but for now, I'll just have to do what I have always done and keep telling myself what I want to believe until it becomes reality. I know it works, because I now love myself, and I never did before. I don't know that I'll be able to convince myself that I don't like chocolate, but I don't think that's really the point (and it will never happen!!!). I have to convince myself that being a healthy, fit, strong person is much more preferable to the instant satisfaction of food. That when I wait for something, it's even better than having it straight away. That life can be enjoyed when it doesn't revolve around food.
It started 4 years ago, with that work Biggest Loser competition. It will never end, but it needs to improve. One day at a time, one decision at a time, one breath at a time.
Thursday 26 September 2013
Wednesday 18 September 2013
Another week goes by in Steptember!
It's been a week between posts AGAIN. I'm afraid there's not much to report. I'm yet to miss a day of 10,000 steps, which makes 17/18 days that I've reached my target. I've also been over my calories by at least 500 most days. Sad face.
I have lost a little bit of weight in September, and that is purely a fluke, I believe. My diet is not great. It's getting better, but I'm still over by way too much every day. There are now only 15 weeks until the wedding, 11 weeks until the first dress fitting. I need to lose 10kg by then to hit my under 100kg goal, and the only thing that is going to get me there is determination, and more of a calorie deficit. I'm not willing to compromise on the food, so that means I have to do extra exercise. It's the only way. My step goal for October will be 12,000 steps a day.
Choctober is off. It's impossible. It's unrealistic. I will never do it. Why make a goal that I'm sure to fail? To make myself feel like shit for not succeeding? Fuck that. But I do have a deadline to have my waist a certain measurement by November 30 to fit into my dress. It's not unreachable, but it hasn't moved in the 3 months since I ordered my dress, so something has to be done. I'm thinking of borrowing from the 5:2 'diet' and having a couple of fast days (no more than 2 per week). Fasting is not 'fasting' in the true sense of the word - this 'diet' asks that you consume up to 500 calories on your fast days, and then spread your calories (so mine would be 1000 per day of fasting) over the other five days. I won't be doing that.
I'm going to trial ONE fast day per week, only eating a LnE dinner (roughly 400 calories). I won't spread out the extra calories over the other days. I don't want to have to resort to meal replacement shakes for the whole of November, but I may have to if I can't get myself under control.
I have lost a little bit of weight in September, and that is purely a fluke, I believe. My diet is not great. It's getting better, but I'm still over by way too much every day. There are now only 15 weeks until the wedding, 11 weeks until the first dress fitting. I need to lose 10kg by then to hit my under 100kg goal, and the only thing that is going to get me there is determination, and more of a calorie deficit. I'm not willing to compromise on the food, so that means I have to do extra exercise. It's the only way. My step goal for October will be 12,000 steps a day.
Choctober is off. It's impossible. It's unrealistic. I will never do it. Why make a goal that I'm sure to fail? To make myself feel like shit for not succeeding? Fuck that. But I do have a deadline to have my waist a certain measurement by November 30 to fit into my dress. It's not unreachable, but it hasn't moved in the 3 months since I ordered my dress, so something has to be done. I'm thinking of borrowing from the 5:2 'diet' and having a couple of fast days (no more than 2 per week). Fasting is not 'fasting' in the true sense of the word - this 'diet' asks that you consume up to 500 calories on your fast days, and then spread your calories (so mine would be 1000 per day of fasting) over the other five days. I won't be doing that.
I'm going to trial ONE fast day per week, only eating a LnE dinner (roughly 400 calories). I won't spread out the extra calories over the other days. I don't want to have to resort to meal replacement shakes for the whole of November, but I may have to if I can't get myself under control.
Wednesday 11 September 2013
Steptember 11
It's September 11. 12 years to the day since America was attacked and the world changed. 12 years since I realised that shit happens, arseholes cause it, and I have no control over any of it.
And today, I realised I have control over me. No-one holds a gun to my head and tells me to eat 4 chocolate bars in a day. But I did that today. Me. Myself. I chose to eat them. I chose to walk into Coles, to buy them, to wait all day with them in my bag, and to eat them on the way home from work. I don't know how I'm going to change. I need some help, but I don't know where to go to get it.
I'm so awesome at getting my steps in. Yesterday, I took Dave for a procedure and had to wait an hour for him to come out. Instead of sitting there, I walked. Around and around until he was ready. I've hit my 10,000 every day (except this Saturday) this month. 10 times. And I've gone over my calories EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS MONTH. What the hell?
And today, I realised I have control over me. No-one holds a gun to my head and tells me to eat 4 chocolate bars in a day. But I did that today. Me. Myself. I chose to eat them. I chose to walk into Coles, to buy them, to wait all day with them in my bag, and to eat them on the way home from work. I don't know how I'm going to change. I need some help, but I don't know where to go to get it.
I'm so awesome at getting my steps in. Yesterday, I took Dave for a procedure and had to wait an hour for him to come out. Instead of sitting there, I walked. Around and around until he was ready. I've hit my 10,000 every day (except this Saturday) this month. 10 times. And I've gone over my calories EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS MONTH. What the hell?
Sunday 8 September 2013
A big weekend
Yeah, I had one! Two days off work this week because of the snot monster, and I had a massive weekend. My team had a cali comp on Saturday night, and the kids I teach had one this afternoon (Sunday). I slept in on Saturday, and left myself with not a lot of time to get ready and go to the comp. I fully intended on getting up and going for a walk in the morning to ensure I got my 10,000 steps, but that didn't happen. I ended up with 7,500 for the day, which was fairly good considering when I left the house I had under 1,000.
We went really well at our comp - shaky start, then ended solidly and came second overall. It was on the other side of town, so it took me over 2 hours to get home. It was a long night that ended with a long hot shower, and me crawling into bed just after 2am. Dave woke me up at 8am, because he thought I needed to go, but I'd neglected to tell him I didn't need to leave until later. He's used to the kids comps starting early in the morning, so I can't be mad at him. He remembered that I had something to do, and thought he'd be in trouble if he let me sleep. He's a keeper.
I couldn't go back to sleep, so watched the last few episodes of Gilmore Girls (final season... bawled my eyes out!!) and headed out to the kid's comp. They did a great job, but no results on the board. They're a really young, inexperienced team and they did well just to remember their routines and get through them, so I'm proud. I got home at around 7pm, checked Fitty, and was devastated that I only had 3,500 steps for the day. It seems like so much running around at a comp, but it's really just tiring trying to keep nine 7-year-olds occupied for 4 hours, on track with getting ready for each item on time, making sure they're toileted and fed and not being too rowdy.
Anyhoo, seeing as I'd failed my challenge the day before, I thought 'there's no way I'm missing out today!', so I got changed, headed to the gym, and smashed out an hour on the treadmill, ending with just under 12,000 steps for the day. I'm over 10,000 for an average in Steptember, but I don't want to be able to carry steps over - each day is seperate in my head. I can't start making up steps the next day, or having a big day and then a small day the next, just because I average it out. I plan on Saturday being my only 'below 10k' day this month. There isn't much else in the calendar that will spoil that, so it'll just be me getting off my ass and making it happen. Easy.
Food this weekend has been fairly awful. Friday was a disaster - all completely conscious decisions, but I felt so sick after gorging on Maccas breakky, KFC lunch and pizza dinner. I was over by 3,000 calories, just for Friday alone, but the feeling will stay with me for a while. I felt so gross. I can't believe I used to eat like that 2-3 times a week. Ew. Saturday and Sunday were both much better, still a few things that I shouldn't have had, but I feel better for it. Tomorrow's weigh-in will tell the tale.
Food really is my big struggle... I've decided that October will be CHOCtober, which means no chocolate. That will be extremely hard. Painful, even. But it needs to be done.
We went really well at our comp - shaky start, then ended solidly and came second overall. It was on the other side of town, so it took me over 2 hours to get home. It was a long night that ended with a long hot shower, and me crawling into bed just after 2am. Dave woke me up at 8am, because he thought I needed to go, but I'd neglected to tell him I didn't need to leave until later. He's used to the kids comps starting early in the morning, so I can't be mad at him. He remembered that I had something to do, and thought he'd be in trouble if he let me sleep. He's a keeper.
I couldn't go back to sleep, so watched the last few episodes of Gilmore Girls (final season... bawled my eyes out!!) and headed out to the kid's comp. They did a great job, but no results on the board. They're a really young, inexperienced team and they did well just to remember their routines and get through them, so I'm proud. I got home at around 7pm, checked Fitty, and was devastated that I only had 3,500 steps for the day. It seems like so much running around at a comp, but it's really just tiring trying to keep nine 7-year-olds occupied for 4 hours, on track with getting ready for each item on time, making sure they're toileted and fed and not being too rowdy.
Anyhoo, seeing as I'd failed my challenge the day before, I thought 'there's no way I'm missing out today!', so I got changed, headed to the gym, and smashed out an hour on the treadmill, ending with just under 12,000 steps for the day. I'm over 10,000 for an average in Steptember, but I don't want to be able to carry steps over - each day is seperate in my head. I can't start making up steps the next day, or having a big day and then a small day the next, just because I average it out. I plan on Saturday being my only 'below 10k' day this month. There isn't much else in the calendar that will spoil that, so it'll just be me getting off my ass and making it happen. Easy.
Food this weekend has been fairly awful. Friday was a disaster - all completely conscious decisions, but I felt so sick after gorging on Maccas breakky, KFC lunch and pizza dinner. I was over by 3,000 calories, just for Friday alone, but the feeling will stay with me for a while. I felt so gross. I can't believe I used to eat like that 2-3 times a week. Ew. Saturday and Sunday were both much better, still a few things that I shouldn't have had, but I feel better for it. Tomorrow's weigh-in will tell the tale.
Food really is my big struggle... I've decided that October will be CHOCtober, which means no chocolate. That will be extremely hard. Painful, even. But it needs to be done.
Thursday 5 September 2013
Attack of the snot monster.
He got me. The snot monster. Truth be told he's had me for a few days, but I've been denying it. Today, I accepted defeat and stayed home from work. I slept in, had some pad thai, and am currently watching my 8th episode of Gilmore Girls while listening to the rain. It's been the perfect sick day.
BUT IT'S STEPTEMBER!!!
Yesterday (day 4) went well. A walk along the beach in the morning before work, a great food day. Well within calories, and well over my 10,000 step goal for the day. Winner!
And then today's sleep in... magic. I'm on almost 3,000 steps for the day, which means I need to go to the gym tonight, but I might just walk on the spot for the next hour so that I don't have to. I can't give up on Day 5... I just can't!
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Steptember Day 2 & 3
How did I go on my first Mad Monday? It was a crazy one, let me tell you! Mondays are huge for me - I work 7am-3pm, jump in the car for an hour to cali, teach for 2.5 hours, jump in the car and drive around to another hall and then have my own cali class for 3 hours. Then it's an hour's trip back home which usually sees me coming through the door at about 11:30pm. Not ideal for a girl trying to fit in at least an hour's exercise each day. Cali is DEFINITELY exercise, but it's not that high on the step count, so I had my work cut out for me.
I miss my morning walk on a Monday, so felt behind the 8-ball to begin with. By the time I got in the car at 3pm I only had 2,000 steps :( I made the effort to try to remember to jiggle up and down in what I have coined 'the wee dance' as much as possible. I did have at least 3 different people ask me if I needed to go to the loo (hence the name!). Practice finished on time and I didn't hang around to chat like I usually do, so I walked in the door at around 11pm. Checking my Fitty, I found that I was 1,500 steps short for the day, with an hour to go. Normally, I get home, shower, and get into bed to try to get enough sleep before the dreaded alarm goes off. Not last night! Last night, I ran the circuit that is our loungeroom/kitchen area, jogging on the spot sometimes, for the 15 minutes it took to rack up the steps. I remember thinking 'geez I'm a loony' for most of it.
Funnily enough, Dave didn't notice. Or he didn't comment, one or the other. He knows I'm doing this challenge, so it wouldn't surprise me if he just ignored me like he does when I'm being silly. Anyway, i snuggled into bed at 11:50pm with a smug 10,500 steps on the clock. Go me.
Day 3 went a little differently. We had an appointment to go to this afternoon, which meant I had to leave work at 3:30pm, meaning I had to start by 7:30am. There goes my morning walk AGAIN. No! It doesn't! I left the car at Dave's work and walked to mine - it's only 15 minutes away, but 15 minutes each way is almost half of my daily steps! After the appointment, we were driving home discussing whether or not we were going to the gym. I checked, and needed 4,000 steps to hit my target. Gym? Yes! 30 minutes on the cross trainer gave me what I needed, and I am good for the day. Two more days ticked off the list for 10,000 steps daily. Now there's just the small problem of food. Did I make the right choices? No.
Almost.
Maybe?
I didn't stop at Maccas on Monday at any point, which was a good start, and something that I usually do either straight after work, after practice, or both. I did, however, stop at Coles and get a packet of fairy cakes that put me 1,000 calories over my allowance for Monday. Boo. Day 3 went much more smoothly, with a full LnE day only marred by a big bag of Maltesers that went down way too easily while sitting at my desk today. I've got a hundred or so calories left tonight, even after my Malteser 'episode' and I'm feeling positive about tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I have no stash left. No sneaky Maltesers in desk drawers. No chocolate or packets of lollies. Nothing. The purchases from my last binge session are gone, and I've promised myself I won't be making a trip to Coles this week to replenish my sugar bucket. I've got a few LnE snacks stashed in my drawer at work ready for munchie time - sweet, savoury, crunchy and soft. They all must be gone before I resort to another shop. Surely for the next 3 days, I can stick to LnE? A little mini-challenge. Yes.
Looking forward to my walk along the beach in the morning - it was a lovely 25 degrees today and we're headed for 26 tomorrow so the morning should be nice. Tomorrow's step count should be easily reached by midday and a trip to the gym in the evening will be a bonus. The second part of my mini-challenge will be to rid my body of those extra 1,000 calories that the fairy cakes left in my tummy. Or is it ON my tummy? Or my butt? It's there somewhere...
I miss my morning walk on a Monday, so felt behind the 8-ball to begin with. By the time I got in the car at 3pm I only had 2,000 steps :( I made the effort to try to remember to jiggle up and down in what I have coined 'the wee dance' as much as possible. I did have at least 3 different people ask me if I needed to go to the loo (hence the name!). Practice finished on time and I didn't hang around to chat like I usually do, so I walked in the door at around 11pm. Checking my Fitty, I found that I was 1,500 steps short for the day, with an hour to go. Normally, I get home, shower, and get into bed to try to get enough sleep before the dreaded alarm goes off. Not last night! Last night, I ran the circuit that is our loungeroom/kitchen area, jogging on the spot sometimes, for the 15 minutes it took to rack up the steps. I remember thinking 'geez I'm a loony' for most of it.
Funnily enough, Dave didn't notice. Or he didn't comment, one or the other. He knows I'm doing this challenge, so it wouldn't surprise me if he just ignored me like he does when I'm being silly. Anyway, i snuggled into bed at 11:50pm with a smug 10,500 steps on the clock. Go me.
Day 3 went a little differently. We had an appointment to go to this afternoon, which meant I had to leave work at 3:30pm, meaning I had to start by 7:30am. There goes my morning walk AGAIN. No! It doesn't! I left the car at Dave's work and walked to mine - it's only 15 minutes away, but 15 minutes each way is almost half of my daily steps! After the appointment, we were driving home discussing whether or not we were going to the gym. I checked, and needed 4,000 steps to hit my target. Gym? Yes! 30 minutes on the cross trainer gave me what I needed, and I am good for the day. Two more days ticked off the list for 10,000 steps daily. Now there's just the small problem of food. Did I make the right choices? No.
Almost.
Maybe?
I didn't stop at Maccas on Monday at any point, which was a good start, and something that I usually do either straight after work, after practice, or both. I did, however, stop at Coles and get a packet of fairy cakes that put me 1,000 calories over my allowance for Monday. Boo. Day 3 went much more smoothly, with a full LnE day only marred by a big bag of Maltesers that went down way too easily while sitting at my desk today. I've got a hundred or so calories left tonight, even after my Malteser 'episode' and I'm feeling positive about tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I have no stash left. No sneaky Maltesers in desk drawers. No chocolate or packets of lollies. Nothing. The purchases from my last binge session are gone, and I've promised myself I won't be making a trip to Coles this week to replenish my sugar bucket. I've got a few LnE snacks stashed in my drawer at work ready for munchie time - sweet, savoury, crunchy and soft. They all must be gone before I resort to another shop. Surely for the next 3 days, I can stick to LnE? A little mini-challenge. Yes.
Looking forward to my walk along the beach in the morning - it was a lovely 25 degrees today and we're headed for 26 tomorrow so the morning should be nice. Tomorrow's step count should be easily reached by midday and a trip to the gym in the evening will be a bonus. The second part of my mini-challenge will be to rid my body of those extra 1,000 calories that the fairy cakes left in my tummy. Or is it ON my tummy? Or my butt? It's there somewhere...
Sunday 1 September 2013
August Wrap-up
Well, today was the first day of Steptember - and while I was sitting here watching Masterchef, I started reflecting on my day. Then I realised I'd set some goals for August and hadn't even checked on them for ages... so I got out my data and started reflecting on the month that was August.
I had a couple of goals for August, all data related. The first was to increase my daily step average from the measly 7000 is was to over 8000 per day. My result after 31 days? Average steps 9338 a day. Tick. The next goal was to keep my net calories to below 1500 for the month. My previous two months were around 1650, so it was a drop of roughly 150 calories a day. My result after 31 days? Average net intake 1939 calories a day. Not so tick. My calories eaten were up, but also my calories burned were up. This is the positive I am taking from the month. Although I ate more, I actually tried to negate it a little more than I probably would have, had I not had the goal to up my daily steps.
What am I taking away from this? Food sucks. Not food in general, I love it too much. But my perception of food, and the hold it has over me, sucks. It's the reason I did not lose any weight in August, and the reason I actually put weight on in August. I'm glad I have this data, and I will continue to record it to keep an idea of trend. Over the next 3 months, I have a lot I need to achieve, and I know what I have to do. Am I strong enough? I don't have a choice. I have to be. I'm so glad I didn't order my dress a whole size smaller than I measured. I want to lose weight for my wedding, but I don't want it to be ONLY for the wedding. I want it to be for life.
Which brings me to Steptember. What a glorious day it was! The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I sat on my ass until 12pm NOT taking advantage of the weather. In fact, I watched all of the cooking shows on TV, and thought about all the things I was going to eat. Lucky I didn't eat them, and just had a hearty breakfast of Beans and Bacon on Toast from the freezer. Thank you Lite N Easy for that. Today was my Gran's 85th birthday, and we had an afternoon tea at her place to celebrate. 'Stuff the Dads' she said. 'It's my bloody birthday and I'm having a party!'. It was a great opportunity to catch up with the family (there are over 50 of us, and that's just Gran's brood and their offspring!) and boy was there food aplenty at the table...
Keeping in mind my decision to own my food choices, I did fairly well. I was restrained, only taking finger food every second time the plate came around, and choosing 3 small items from the dessert table and sticking with them, only going back for a tiny cupcake the second time around. I know I went over my cals for the day, but I didn't go anywhere near where I would have had I not been keeping myself accountable. It's so easy to say 'it's only one day', but that COULD be every day and I'll never get anywhere with that attitude.
We got home around 6pm and I checked my Fitbit. A few hours on the couch and a few hours standing around added up to 3000 steps today. Not bad for not doing much, but 7000 steps short of my daily goal. What did I do? I got changed, got my ass to the gym, and walked for 45 minutes. That's what I did. When I asked Dave if he wanted to come, his response was 'I'm having a lazy day.' And that is perfectly fine. I, however, could not pike out on the challenge that I'd set myself only days before, on the FIRST DAY of the challenge. I sit here now, with 10510 steps on Fitty. I'm roughly 150 cals over my daily net calories. Not a bad first day!
I had a couple of goals for August, all data related. The first was to increase my daily step average from the measly 7000 is was to over 8000 per day. My result after 31 days? Average steps 9338 a day. Tick. The next goal was to keep my net calories to below 1500 for the month. My previous two months were around 1650, so it was a drop of roughly 150 calories a day. My result after 31 days? Average net intake 1939 calories a day. Not so tick. My calories eaten were up, but also my calories burned were up. This is the positive I am taking from the month. Although I ate more, I actually tried to negate it a little more than I probably would have, had I not had the goal to up my daily steps.
What am I taking away from this? Food sucks. Not food in general, I love it too much. But my perception of food, and the hold it has over me, sucks. It's the reason I did not lose any weight in August, and the reason I actually put weight on in August. I'm glad I have this data, and I will continue to record it to keep an idea of trend. Over the next 3 months, I have a lot I need to achieve, and I know what I have to do. Am I strong enough? I don't have a choice. I have to be. I'm so glad I didn't order my dress a whole size smaller than I measured. I want to lose weight for my wedding, but I don't want it to be ONLY for the wedding. I want it to be for life.
Which brings me to Steptember. What a glorious day it was! The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I sat on my ass until 12pm NOT taking advantage of the weather. In fact, I watched all of the cooking shows on TV, and thought about all the things I was going to eat. Lucky I didn't eat them, and just had a hearty breakfast of Beans and Bacon on Toast from the freezer. Thank you Lite N Easy for that. Today was my Gran's 85th birthday, and we had an afternoon tea at her place to celebrate. 'Stuff the Dads' she said. 'It's my bloody birthday and I'm having a party!'. It was a great opportunity to catch up with the family (there are over 50 of us, and that's just Gran's brood and their offspring!) and boy was there food aplenty at the table...
Keeping in mind my decision to own my food choices, I did fairly well. I was restrained, only taking finger food every second time the plate came around, and choosing 3 small items from the dessert table and sticking with them, only going back for a tiny cupcake the second time around. I know I went over my cals for the day, but I didn't go anywhere near where I would have had I not been keeping myself accountable. It's so easy to say 'it's only one day', but that COULD be every day and I'll never get anywhere with that attitude.
We got home around 6pm and I checked my Fitbit. A few hours on the couch and a few hours standing around added up to 3000 steps today. Not bad for not doing much, but 7000 steps short of my daily goal. What did I do? I got changed, got my ass to the gym, and walked for 45 minutes. That's what I did. When I asked Dave if he wanted to come, his response was 'I'm having a lazy day.' And that is perfectly fine. I, however, could not pike out on the challenge that I'd set myself only days before, on the FIRST DAY of the challenge. I sit here now, with 10510 steps on Fitty. I'm roughly 150 cals over my daily net calories. Not a bad first day!
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