Riding the wave of emotion.

I just listened to/watched the video that Michelle put up for this week, and it was all about our emotions. How emotions come in waves, and we just need to ride them. We don't need chocolate - at least the chocolate won't fix the emotion, it just dulls it for a while. The emotion is still there, and we need to accept that we're feeling it and let it happen.

As I was riding today, I kinda had a lightbulb moment. I'm so so close to my halfway goal, and I just can't get there. For the last couple of weeks, I've really been my own worst enemy in not training hard, and not eating properly. I could've made that goal two weeks ago, but instead, I've been letting my emotions take over and giving in to cravings. Michelle just said that we're not allowed to call it being 'bad' or 'naughty' because that implies that we should feel bad or naughty because of it. I knew exactly what I was doing when I didn't train, or when I was putting that calorie-dense food in my mouth. I knew that I wasn't making the best decision, and I still do it.

Anyhoo, back to my lightbulb... there are some parts of the trail that I was doing that are cruisy, and other parts that I don't like, that challenge me, that force me to tell myself that I can do it, that make me want to turn around and do the easy bits again. My weight loss is the same. Some days it's really easy. Other days, I just convince myself that I can't do it, so I give up a little bit. It's always two steps forward, one step back, and it's always my negative self-talk that does it. I KNOW that I'm capable. I KNOW that I can do it. I KNOW because I've done it for 27 kilos, and I'm going to do it for 36 kilos more.

I did the same 23km stretch 3 times today. The first time around, I remembered how it was yesterday. The second time around, I thought about how good it felt the first time. The third time, I was quite tired. My muscles were fatigued, I knew that I was capable of going up the big hills (I'd just done it twice, clearly it was physically possible). I had to convince myself more than once that I would do it, that I could do it, and that I deserved to do it. It was halfway around the third lap when I decided on my final reward tattoo - the one I'll get when I reach my goal weight.

So, ladies and gents, when I am 70kg, I will get a tattoo down my left side that says 'Because I'm Worth It'. I know it's a cliche. I know that someone uses it in their commercials. But I need to remind myself every time I look at myself naked that I AM WORTH IT. No matter what happens in my life, I need that reminder.