This one time, in Sydney, I went for a walk.

Friday was the big day - the day I'd been training for. The day I'd been waiting for. For about two weeks, ever since the big training walk, I've been ready.

Nothing could have prepared me for this. I'm serious. It was the worst day of my life - I challenged myself physically, mentally, emotionally. I wanted to give up so many times, yet I also surprised myself. My legs sometimes moved on their own, my mind completely disconnected from them. It was like an out of body experience at times. I'll start at the beginning though...

We got the forecast on Wednesday that it would be 'rain in the morning easing to showers in the afternoon'. Righto, pack the long leggings and the rain jacket then. We hadn't done any training in the rain, as there hadn't been any in Melbourne AT ALL. Tuesday morning's beach walk was meant to be in the rain, but we realised our shoes would still be wet when we packed them Thursday morning, so we cancelled.

As we flew into Sydney on Thursday evening, it was raining. A turbulent landing left me feeling queasy, and the drive through Sydney to Collaroy was a nightmare of traffic, wrong turnings, rain and wind. We stopped to shop for supplies before quickly dropping our stuff off at the hostel and then ducking out for dinner. We ate at the local pub which was quite tasty (Ravioli in Napoli Sauce - carb loading for the next day!) and then headed back to our dorm for some rest. Alarms were set for 5am, and we settled in for the night.

The alarm went off and we were up and getting ready in no time. The queue for the showers at 5am in the hostel was surprising... so I was glad I'd showered the night before and didn't have to stress about that. I taped up my feet, packed my bag, and loaded everything into the car. We had to register for the walk an hour before we started, so our support crew agreed to drop us off and then go back and check out of the hostel and make sure we hadn't left anything behind.

It was pissing with rain from the moment we woke up. Katie, one of the girls in the team, hadn't slept well at all and informed us that it had been raining all night. Not a good sign! All four of us had to present at the registration tent, so we were soaked through.

 Here's Yen and Heather crying while we wait for Katie to grab our bibs. You can't see anything in the background except clouds and rain.

We hurried back to the car to try to keep warm while we waited for 7.30am.

The weather got worse.

The radar pictures looked awful... but not as bad as the actual weather outside the car. We couldn't see very far in front of us, and all of us were just looking at each other wondering what the hell we were doing there. Time passed, the weather stayed the same, and it was time to go and line up for the start. Our support crew were pretty good at getting pictures for us! We're down there somewhere...

We started on the beach that they film Home and Away on - turning back was the classic 'beach' shot from the opening scenes of the credits, only it was raining and not sunny and gorgeous. Funnily enough, they weren't filming that day on the beach either... I wonder why?

We set off - the combination of sand that moves underfoot and wind that was trying to blow us away made for a very shaky start. Katie had a GPS watch so she was to notify us every 5km and that first 5km seemed to take HOURS. We walked up stairs, along bush tracks that took us along the headlands - up, around and down. The ONLY upside to the terrible weather was that many of the sand sections were detoured into the streets. The weather made walking on the sand much too dangerous with the unpredictable tide, the wind bringing the waves much higher and much further in than usual. We also had to skip the headland near Whale Beach as it was too exposed and not fenced well enough to prevent us falling off the cliff! Scary stuff...

We met our support crew just after Checkpoint 3 (of 11) for our first pep talk. Heading up the hill and seeing the van was a pep in itself!

In case you haven't worked it out yet, I'm the giant one (I'm much taller than the other girls, but also considerably larger, so I truly look like a giant compared to them!). Look at that weather.. amazing!! We were about 3 hours in here and I was soaked to the bone - my shoes were full of water, socks were squelchy, leggings saturated...

We didn't stop for long - once we stopped moving we got cold VERY quickly, so after a quick hug and some words of encouragement we were off again. Our support crew took our lunch orders (ham and cheese toasties and hot chips!) and we arranged for our next meeting point. Emma and Marlo, our support crew, were absolutely amazing on the day - supplying our every demand and always greeting us with a smile and some encouraging words. They weren't the most comfortable either waiting in the rain for us to get to each meeting place!

 The rain made the going really slow. Stairs were slippery, tracks were flooded, concentration levels were high and caution slowed everyone down. Injury is the last thing you want on a 50km walk that is physically demanding, so we often got caught up in bottlenecks on the narrow parts of the track. I was grateful because the going got tough and I was tiring really easily. It was good to have a few moments to catch my breath and slow my mind down. I was constantly battling with myself - parts of me were just pleading to stop and other parts of me knew that was not a possibility. It was cold, it was wet, it was tiring. We met the girls again at the 22km mark and the toastie was honestly like liquid gold. I scoffed it in about three minutes and was totally enjoying the warmth of the food and the shelter from the boot of the van that the girls had lifted up. We changed socks, filled up water, and headed off again. Both Marlo and Emma told us all off - we hadn't been drinking nearly enough. We started with 3 litres each and by this point (about 5 hours in) should have been out of water - I had only drunk about a litre!! It's hard to remember to drink when you're wet to the core - but after a bit of warm food and a toilet stop where nothing came out, I realised that I really was dehydrated and even though it wasn't hot, it could get pretty dangerous. We organised to meet 10km later in Manly and I made it my mission to drink my 3 litres in that time to get back on track.

The halfway mark was Checkpoint 6 - the tent there was full of Ambos (darlings!) and volunteers with bananas, electrolytes, and lollies. This was to be a quick stop for us as we'd made many toilet stops (it sucks being a girl!) and had our lunch only 3 km before. The Checkpoints were mostly unmanned - we had a timing badge that scanned on the checkpoint markers - and if we skipped any we would be disqualified and not be eligible for any prizes. We were determined not to miss any and did very well (no backtracking!) with Katie navigating our way. She did the 100km last year and so had a vague idea of where we were going. Anyhoo... got past the halfway point with no issues, and had our sights set on Manly, the 30km point.

Because of all the detours, we hit 30km well before the marked 30km point on the map. When we met up with the support crew at the '30km' point, we'd actually done about 33km. This was my breaking point. I was over it. I had fought and fought all day with myself. I was exhausted. But I put on a brave face, and kept going.

It was about 3pm, and as you can see, the weather did not get any better. I'd love to know what 'showers easing' means, because in my experience, it was still sh*t. I had met my goal of drinking my water though, and did feel better for it. After a cheesymite scroll, we were off again.

The next 20km are a blur of stairs, rocks, rain, and tears. We played stupid games to amuse ourselves, and spent a full hour naming foods that began with the last letter of the previous food. It was tedious. It was demoralising. It kept raining. The track had flooded - at the beginning, we dodged the puddles and stepped on stones and on the edges of the path to avoid stepping in the puddles. Towards the end though, after rain all day, we were faced with stretches of this:

That's not a creek... that's the path. After 10 hours of trudging through the bush, my care factor was zero, and I just waded through the ankle deep water. Then it got dark. And it was still raining. And it was still flooded. And I was still walking.

We met the girls again with 10km to go. It had just started getting dark so we had called them to get out the hi-vis vests and the head torches to bring to us. We strapped in and kept going. We had been stopping every 5km for wee breaks, stretching, and snacks. Soggy rice crackers and nuts are NOT NICE, but are necessary to keep up salts lost through sweat, and so we had been diligently munching away at them. I was surprised at my lack of desire for lollies and chocolate. I am a chocoholic, but the last thing I wanted was something sweet. I was craving salt like it was going out of fashion! I also ripped my leggings pulling them up from a toilet break - right on the inner seam. Em and Marlo asked if I wanted to change, and I couldn't be bothered. I regret this decision immensely.

With 2km to go, we met the support crew for the last time. I was out of water, and was so exhausted. I kept willing my legs to take bigger steps but I was shuffling like a 90 year old. My legs would simply not do what they were told. I took a big drink, and also took up the offer from the support team to take my backpack. With 2km to go, it would be roughly 30 minutes to the end and I decided I'd much rather walk without the backpack than fill it up with water and have hydration. I just wanted it to be over.

We headed up the final hill and could hear yelling and screaming in the distance. I cannot describe the joy that was welling up in my chest. A few tears were shed in the dark. My hips were hurting, every set of stairs my heart sunk as I realised I'd have to lift my legs up and somehow push my body up with my aching knees and hips. My feet were numb, my thigh was stinging from the chaffing of being uncovered and rubbing against the wet fabric of my other leg. I didn't dare look at it, afraid of what I might see.

We came to the last beach, crossed the sand, saw some flashing lights ahead, and heard excited screaming from the same place. When we got there, we were all devastated to learn that it wasn't the finish line. It was just the '500m to go' lady - everyone was screaming because she informed us that the stairs she was standing on were the last ones and that was pretty exciting. I couldn't believe it... I thought we were finished. I was fighting back tears as I realised we weren't finished, and that we had to keep going. That 500m was the longest 500m of my life!

We continued walking along the path, and found Emma and Marlo. There were kids lined up screaming encouragement at us 'congratulations' 'you've done really well' 'you're almost there' 'keep going'.... I just kept looking ahead, willing the finish line to come closer. Instinctively, the four of us grabbed each other's hands as we saw the archway of the finish. I'm sure if we had anything left to give, we would have run across the line, but we just couldn't. We stumbled across and handed in our timing stick to the marshall. It was 9:26pm - 13 hours and 56 minutes after we had started.

Emma went off to get the car, and we all took stock of what we had just done. We had our photo taken.

That is the face of delirium. Of disbelief. I could not (and still cannot) believe I had actually done it.

Inspection of my chaffing revealed bleeding. We took our shoes off to find toes that were no longer toes, just blisters. Skin was rubbed raw. We had chaffing on our shoulders and backs from the movement of our packs rubbing through our wet clothing and leaving it's mark on our skin. Champagne was popped and drunk. We all piled into the van slightly tipsy and very exhausted.

The trip back to the hotel was quick. I'm so glad we decided to lash out and get seperate rooms (not hostel rooms, but hotel rooms) as I collapsed on the bed in a fit of tears and exhaustion. I called Mum and my boyfriend to tell them a bit of what happened (and that I was still alive!) and then there was a knock on the door. Yen had ordered pizza and it was here! I inhaled that pizza in about 10 minutes (no guilt!) and then sat on the bed for another hour working up the energy to get in the shower. The sting on my thigh was so bad I nearly passed out. The feeling a few minutes later when my head was under the water and I was washing my hair almost made up for that pain. As the dirt soaked away, I realised that I was proud of myself.

Getting out of bed and onto the plane the next day was not fun. Today it is much better, but I think I'll be stiff getting out of bed the next few days. Today I've had to remind myself to get up off the couch every few hours and walk around, just to keep things moving. I slept wonderfully last night (11 hours!) in my pillow-soft bed with the arms of my man around me. I missed him terribly while I was away, but especially when I got back to the room and he wasn't there. I don't like sleeping alone any more.

Final stats from my Fitbit were 83,000 steps, 488 flights of stairs and 7500 calories burned for the day. I walked over 50km (Katie's watch died at 53km and that was about halfway between the 2km to go point and the end) in just under 14 hours. Many times during the walk, I wanted to call out that I needed to stop, but something in me just wouldn't do it. I guess you can call that my inner strength, my stubbornness, my pride. With about 13km to go, we walked past the Biggest Loser house and from that point on I had the song from the first series stuck in my head. (It's Shannon Noll's 'Lift') Some of the lyrics that kept circling:

Cause I know how hard it can get
But you've gotta lift, you've gotta lift
And sometimes, that's how it is
But I know you're stronger, stronger than this
You've gotta lift

And I did. I am.

I can never say 'I can't' again.

Because I can.

If you would like to donate to the Fred Hollows Foundation (the whole reason I did this crazy stupid thing...), please head on over to my fundraising page and click through to sponsor me. It's open until March 19 and I would LOVE to get some more money through for this fabulous cause!!

Link to my fundraising page - every little bit helps!