When you don't want to, but you know you have to.

You just do it.

You have to.

There isn't really a choice, is there?

It's awesome having Dave with me at the gym. Tonight, I didn't want to go. I REALLY didn't want to go. He made me, and I'm glad. 'Babe... we have to... even if we just walk for half an hour, then we can say we did something'. That's all we did, walk for half an hour, but we did it. I nearly made my 10,000 steps from a combo of getting my ass up from my desk a few extra times today and the walk at the gym. I've got about 1000 to go, and I'm going to do those as soon as I finish this blog.

A friend posted on her blog today that she needs to stop losing weight, instead she needs to start finding her life. If I knew how to do fancy links, I would do that, but I don't. Hang on, there's a button that says 'link'... let me try something....

Dani, I think I did it!

Ok, so there was the post that made me tear up a little. Bare truth. Heart-wrenching, soul searching, naked. Truth. All of us have these things that we cloak ourselves with, to hide the truth. I'm going to take a leaf out of Dani's book, and REALLY aim to give you all MY truth.

In many ways, my life is really like the title of this blog. I don't want to, but I know I have to. I don't want to give up daily treats, tasty food, indulgence. But I have to. Not forever, but for now. I don't like it, but it has to happen. I also have to give up my idea that exercising gives me the right to buy one of everything at the supermarket and gorge myself on it. I have to acknowledge that I have a problem with food, and that, in time, food and I can be friends.

I have to understand that the way I've been living for the last 10 years IS NOT THE WAY NORMAL PEOPLE LIVE. Sure, the 'skinny' people at work 'eat whatever they want'. They look good. They actually don't eat whatever they want. They eat what they want SOMETIMES. They walk to work, or exercise outside of work.

I have to keep reminding myself that one slip-up does not mean the end, but also that one good day does not mean I can follow with 3 sugar-laden days to celebrate. I have been wasting so much time eating food that makes me ill, just for a few seconds of pleasure.

I don't want to die. I don't want to become immobile due to diabetes, heart disease, or simply because my legs cannot hold me up. I'm nowhere near these possibilities right now, but I could be, in a few year's time, if things don't change.

I need to start living.