Mental Health Days ROCK!

This morning, while driving to work, I had a thought. I didn't really want to be at work today. So I dropped Dave off, turned the car around, and went straight back home. I did text my boss and said I wasn't well and therefore wasn't coming in.

So what did I do on my day off?

I watched all of the videos for the 12WBT Round 1. I wrote notes. I thought about what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and how I might continue.

It was the best day, and a day I've needed for about two weeks. I've been lost. I'm still a little bit lost, but it was a good day. I'm VERY proud of the fact that I stuck to my Lite N Easy for the day - didn't pop out to KFC or Maccas just because I was having a lazy day. No donuts from Donut King. No chocolate, no chips, no tubs of icecream. Just me, with my thoughts, thinking about all my old habits and how they've crept back in. How I've been sabotaging myself the last few weeks, even with my bursts of enthusiasm. How my excuses have been holding me back.

What needs to change for me to continue and be successful, rather than continue and be stagnant? Surprisingly, not a lot. Food, to me, is not fuel. It is connected strongly to my emotions, to memories, to my sense of self. Changing my mindset to the 'food is fuel' thinking would be beneficial, but it won't work. I love food for what it is. I look forward to sitting down to a plate or bowl of something yummy, sharing with friends and family, making food the feature in my day. I'm always thinking about what I'm going to be eating next. Food is constantly on my mind.

Over the last 12 months or so, I've learned that my behaviour towards food is sometimes unhealthy. Mostly unhealthy, actually. I'm constantly fulfilling my every desire, thinking about the decadence that I can consume next, and always to excess. I'm giving in to my memory's every whim, indulging in foods that should be 'sometimes' foods, all the time. How can I turn this around?

I still want to enjoy food. I still want to look forward to each meal. I still want to share with friends and family, and make it a feature in my day. I still want to enjoy 'sometimes' foods, only now they will actually BE 'sometimes' foods. Over the last few weeks, chocolate has featured heavily in my diet. Apart from chocolate, I've stuck quite well to Lite N Easy. But 80% is not good enough. It needs to be 99%. Not 100% (not perfect!) as I'm human after all, but 99%.

This week, I've got a pretty full Saturday (lunch with a friend, dinner with family), so I've only ordered the 5 day plan from LnE. This gives me the freedom to eat (or indulge in!) the best choices from the two places I'm going to on Saturday. It also gives me another day during the week where I can (almost) be a bit more free. I do have leftover frozen foods that I haven't eaten that will make up a day's worth of food, and depending on how I eat on Saturday, I probably will stick to that. I think if I order a 5 day plan once every 3-4 weeks, I'll not feel restricted to the point of rebelling and self-sabotaging. I'll have a day where I can indulge in a craving, a day that I can project forward to when I'm struggling. If I really want something, I'll tell myself to wait until that day. It's not saying 'I'll never eat ____ again', but instead 'If the feeling doesn't pass, I can have ____ another day'. After all, even after I've eaten ____ I still want it again the next day. Why not put it off a little longer?

A plan. That's what I've been missing. A plan for when THE PLAN isn't clear to me, is clouded by other things. Not always shutting those inner teenagers up with giving them exactly what they want, but giving them an option that it might happen 'one day'. I don't think it should be once a week, or even once a fortnight. And not always the same day of the week. I don't want to fall into the trap of throwing everything out the window just because on Thursdays I can eat whatever I like and undo all the work from the rest of the week.

It also means that I don't lose my social life. I CAN go out for dinner. I CAN have a piece of cake or a hot chocolate. I just can't do it every day. Or every second day. Or even once a week. Just 'sometimes'.

So while it may sound like a fair bit, it's really not! It also means, if I stick to my food plan, any exercise is just a bonus. I should be losing weight without exercise, as my recent efforts have just been to work off the indulgences. I need to set some goals regarding fitness, but I think I've done enough for the day. I've put aside some time on ANZAC DAY, next Thursday (even set a reminder in my calendar) to set some fitness goals.

It's amazing what a Mental Health Day can do for you.