Fighting some of the demons.

My demons are my food habits. I'd like to say I'm a compulsive eater, but I'm more like an overeater. I just googled 'Overeaters Anonymous' and this is what came up:

OA members experience many different patterns of food behaviors. These “symptoms” are as varied as our membership. Among them are:

• obsession with body weight, size and shape
• eating binges or grazing
• preoccupation with reducing diets
• starving
• laxative or diuretic abuse
• excessive exercise
• inducing vomiting after eating
• chewing and spitting out food
• use of diet pills, shots and other medical interventions to control weight
• inability to stop eating certain foods after taking the first bite
• fantasies about food
• vulnerability to quick-weight-loss schemes
• constant preoccupation with food
• using food as a reward or comfort

I probably do more than half of these on a regular basis, which is very worrying. They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem, so here goes. I have a problem with food. Food is my best friend and my worst enemy. It has been there through thick and thin, good days and bad days. But no more. Food is fuel. Food is fuelling my body to do the things it needs to survive and to thrive. While I think that food comforts me, it's the memory of time with my mum, dad and family (that always revolved around food) that is the true comfort. I have a massive sweet tooth, and years of eating ridiculous amounts of sweet food (especially the old faithful... Dairy Milk) has really built up my addiction to sugar. I can sit and eat a family block and not think twice. All of a sudden it's gone.

A couple of statements have been highlighted to me recently. 'The first bite tastes exactly the same as the last. Why do you need the ones in between?' AND 'Do you remember every mouthful?'. No, I don't remember every mouthful. I zone out when I'm eating. I don't savour the food, I just eat it mindlessly. I've been reading some articles on 'mindfulness' in every day life, and trying to apply some of the principles to both eating and living. Mainly just the parts about stopping and thinking about exactly what is happening in my body at the time. While walking, thinking about how every movement feels. While eating, thinking about how the food tastes, feels, and why I'm eating it. 

The other thing I need to be mindful of is my cravings. It is perfectly normal to WANT something, but I don't have to give in to those cravings EVERY TIME. And I don't have to eat a sh*tload of whatever it is that I feel like. It's okay to say no to something. It's okay to say yes to something. It's okay to feel hungry, and it's okay to overeat on the rare occasion. 

The hardest thing about food is that we can't live without it. You don't need alcohol to survive. You don't need cigarettes to survive. You DO need food to survive. I need to change my thinking about food, to using it as a source of physical nourishment and fuel, rather than a comfort and a companion.