I'm starting to see it!

For the first time in a little while, I'm starting to see some changes. The mental changes are easier to see (for me, at least) than the physical ones. I'm still not there completely, and I don't know if I ever will be... but I'm getting so much better. My mindset is a lot more positive.

I can see physical changes in the mirror too. Subtle differences in the shape of my chin, the little collarbone starting to appear, a more defined wrist. But also in day to day life. Yesterday I was walking to the toilet (in the nude, of course!) and noticed that my legs swished past each other a little more than usual. Less squish, more swish! It's difficult to describe to someone who's never been huge, but when you walk in the nude, your thighs are that big that they are constantly pressed together at the top. Well mine aren't so squished any more and they actually move past each other when I walk. It's a strange feeling, but a welcome one!

Tonight, at the gym, I let my willpower win over my negative thoughts. The exercise plan called for 90 seconds of running followed by 90 seconds of walking, repeated for 27 minutes. Halfway through the first 90 seconds, my head started with the negativity. I can't do this. I'm too fat to run. I can't breathe. I fought back. I CAN do this. I'm not too fat to run. Just breathe. And I did it. I struggled, but I did it. Proud is an understatement. Exhausted does not begin to describe my body. Accomplished. That's me.

But there is a downside to this wonderful day. And that comes in the form of an unplanned trip to the supermarket, a couple of cupcakes, and three quarters of a bag of maltesers. A big bag. The run is not enough to undo the damage caused. I can however,  take pride in the fact that the trip did not include biscuits, chips, and lollies, like it would have in the past. It's not a win by any stretch, but it's better than it could have been. Better than the old me, but not as good as the new me.

I can't wait for her to kick butt and take over.