What a prick!

That was my thought when my boyfriend told me his dinner plans tonight. We'd just got home from work, unpacked our LnE order, and I asked him what to put on for his dinner. He told me he was ordering a parma, chips and garlic pizza from the pizza shop, but that I was to stick to LnE.

Um, excuse me? You're going to eat a greasy, juicy parma and chips AND a garlic pizza and I've gotta eat diet food? You prick!

I was so pissed off as I pulled my Steak with Creamy Mushroom Sauce out of the freezer, ripped the lid off, slammed open the oven door, covered that tray in foil, shoved it into the oven, slammed closed the oven door, and angrily pressed the buttons to set the timer for 60 minutes. I decided to stop, breathe, and think.

I've learnt during the last 5 years at work that I have a fiery temper and often blow up at someone before actually thinking things through. I tend to make a fool of myself, because I overreact and look like an absolute idiot. I've Googled some anger management techniques and they seem to be working there, so I figured I'd use them in this situation.

Ok. What did he ACTUALLY say, as opposed to what I chose to hear? The words that came out of his mouth were 'Babe, you're going out for lunch and dinner on Sunday so you'll have two 'free' meals then. I'm working the weekend so I'm going to have my 'free' meal tonight. I've been looking forward to a parma from that pizza shop for a month!' We've decided that we're doing LnE 7 days a week, with the option of a 'free' meal here and there (never more than 2 in a week, but preferably 1 a week). It's my both my Dad's and my workmate's birthday on Sunday, so I'm having lunch with workmates and family dinner at Mum and Dad's on Sunday. I don't know where I'm going for lunch yet, and Mum isn't yet sure if she'll cook something or we'll go to the local Italian place. So there's the potential for big failure there as I can't really plan well...

The boy was right. I needed to have an LnE dinner tonight. I didn't need to have the parma and chips and garlic pizza, even if we were sharing it. His delivery turned up before the hour was up on the oven timer, and when the door closed and the garlicky goodness wafted through the house, I was ready to jump him. I turned on my puppy dog eyes and asked for a chip or a wedge of pizza. I was denied. The next ten minutes were the longest of my life, while I waited for the timer to go off.

It did. I ate my Steak with Creamy Mushroom Sauce - it had wedges and vegies and a delicious gravy. I savoured it. I enjoyed it. I'm almost (but not actually!) ashamed that I licked the tray clean. I thought once or twice about getting up and nicking some chips or pizza that I knew were uneaten in the kitchen. But I didn't. And now I'm sitting here 4 hours later, feeling very proud that I still have calories left for the day, and that I didn't cave. Mish said in a video that cravings come in waves, and sometimes you've just got to ride them out. I'm slowly learning that it's true - it's not just bullshit that she's spouting to get me to continue to pay her. These are important lessons that I need to learn, that I need to be reminded of, that I NEED to live life like a normal person.

I can't wait to be normal.